6.10.2009

The House is Sleeping...

and I'm wide awake.
And I feel like writing. So here it goes...

It's interesting, you know? How we grow and change. It's interesting to watch friendships evolve, dissipate, fade, return, sway... It's interesting how so many personalities react and interact.
It's all so very interesting.

I have never had one of those lives... You know, the "grow-up-in-the-same-city-in-the-familiar-neighborhood-on-the-cozy-street-in-the-same-house-my-whole-life" lives. The longest I've ever been in one school is three years. I've moved over a dozen times. I'm not upset or disappointed about it. Actually, I rather liked it. It has prepared me. I've embraced the changes. I've adapted.
I had to.

And that has helped shape me into who I am today. And sometimes... I think that's why I don't relate to people on the same level. Or maybe they don't relate to me on the same level. Maybe that's why I don't really see where they are coming from on some things. Maybe I tend to come at friendships from a different angle. I don't know.

It's so interesting.
You can talk to three different people about the same problem and get totally different answers. In the end, you pretty much have to just make a decision yourself, hoping you're making the right one. That's in everything, I suppose. I mean, of course you can't depend on others to make your own decisions. Sometimes it just helps to know you're on the right track.

My little brother asked me the other day if I thought it would have been better if I was an only child. I told him that if I was an only child, I wouldn't be who I am today. And I like who I am. I like where this is going. I like trusting in God above myself. I like not having a distinct plan. I love my family, the friends I have, the opportunities I've been blessed with, the dreams and hopes... There are bad days and everything. Sure. But... I don't know. That's part of why I like it. All of it. This is what God has given me; He knows I can handle it. I just want to do the best I can.

There are always things to work on...
Sometimes I wonder if God just wants us to stop trying to fix ourselves and the world around us... stop for a moment and just be. Be with Him. Just be still and know.
Know that He is God.
Know that He has saved me.
Know that I am forgiven.
Know that I am clean.
Know that I am free.

And just be.
Be with Him.
Like I was meant to be.
Living with complete abandon.
Daring to love with all I am.
Without shame.
Without holding back.
Without worrying about how vulnerable that is.

And where is this all coming from?
"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks."

((My, my, Lord. You're just always full of surprises.))

[This is me...]

1 comments:

Ashley Goes Vintage said...

This reminds me of one of my favorite verses in Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that i am God". This is such a meaningful verse in my life because the only demand God asks of me is to confide in Him. To acknowledge He is God and that everything that He does in my life, and will continue to do, has a purpose matching potential I have. SOmetimes i find myself asking "what if"s and i quickly push the thoughts out of my mind because this is who i am, and there's no one else like me. Where i come from is what shapes me into who i will be. Thank you so much for sharing. I love the depth in your writing because it awakens parts of me i wish to forget. God Bless you

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