Somewhat like an Epiphany

I'm sensing a shift in perspective.

Or maybe understanding or sight.

So staunchly before perceiving truth,

discerning what was right.

No lesser there do I grow

in my knowledge and understanding

(ever drawn and guided by the Word,

its Light therein).

But suddenly beauty bursts forth in everything.

And creation groans

for the revelation of the sons of God.

They seek the light,

but blind eyes knowing not where to look

(light gives heat,

turning their face toward,

hearts inclined)

they express their anguish

and their yearning

in book and song and rhyme.

Hiddeness and metaphor.

Beauty, depth and questioning

from inmost of the soul,

reflections of His endowed creativity.

I am learning to see.

To perceive Truth.

To not shoot down the world's expressions,

but to see them truly,

to their root.

To see their motivation and true question.

Intention. 

And in that seeing, undisguised,

I do not condemn,

but have compassion on them

And here the Love of God is able to follow,

flow.

Perhaps a shift in understanding,

though here I lightly tread,

in seeing the world not as an enemy,

but as lost and broken instead.

Not as a theif bent to corrupt,

but corrupted by dark lies...

waiting to find Truth,

and know Love.

(At least their souls' intent,

though the heart knows it not.)

-Are we not to be light?- 

"Futher Up, Further In..."

Can it already have been 23 days into the new year?
    This month has been like a whirlwind for me. Yet, though it now seems to have passed in a flash, its duration seems more along the lines of a few months instead of just around three weeks. (The paradox of time... or our perceptions of time...) Here's some stuff out of the overflow:

    I am back in America.
    Coming back here feels like trying to keep up on a major highway with a bicycle. Can I please go back to the picturesque, twisting country roads with little traffic and lots of time to ponder the world from my worn, comfortable old Schwinn bicycle seat? (That was a metaphor... I didn't have country roads to ride on, and my bike temporarily has a popped front tire.)

    It is so good to see old friends again. To spend time with them, to share the Word with them, to pour out truth and have truth poured in, to encourage, uplift, listen... To joke and laugh and play. To live. To be. You know what I'm talking about? Living life. Not surviving life. Living it.
   And I'm not talking about that "wild side" "living the life" stuff, either. I'm talking about the real stuff. The simple stuff. The stuff we miss sometimes if we're not looking up from our cell phones and computer screens.
    I'm talking about conversation. Relationship. Face-to-face, flesh and blood stuff.
    The "stop-in-your-tracks-and-gaze-in-awe-at-the-sunset" stuff.
    The learning you were wrong and it's okay stuff. 
    Real life.

    What a blessing to be alive!
    What a blessing to be able to go to classes that challenge me and sharpen my critical thinking skills. What a blessing to force myself out of bed, to push myself to learn and know more, to drive toward...

    Light falls across my keyboard and shoots a reflection through the the tumbler holding my tea. Piano music is streaming through the speakers. My Bible is close at hand. I have a paper to write. A couple of textbooks to read. Some Romantic poets to endure... And through it all, I'm just looking for those things God is trying to show me, to teach me. To make me more like Him.

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. We pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious riches so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully give thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."

-[Colossians 1:9-12]

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God... I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."

-[Ephesians 3:14-19, 4:1-3]

"For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart my be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe..."

-[Ephsians 1:15-19]

    Ah! There is so much more! You must read it! Sharpen your minds. He's so good! His plan of salvation and for the kingdom of heaven is so intricate and masterfully pieced together. How could we ask for more? What a beautiful mystery, this gospel of Jesus Christ!

Road Signs

If I may stop along the journey to reflect on the ways I've come...

    Do you know those moments? Those moments where you stop in wonder at where you've just come from, what has just happened... those moments where you realize and suddenly your breath is stolen away? Inspiration builds up in your chest, your heart beats a little faster... and you just wish you could write it all down, but there are not enough words; paint it out, but there are not enough colors; sing it in a melody, but your voice cannot reach all the notes?
    Ah! What a journey it's been! My fingers are far too clumsy to paint the picture with a song or a brush, even the stroke of a pen. Too much to tell! And do you know? It's not that my life is so much more extravagant or incredible. At least, not in the way you might expect at such a display. But I'm not overreacting. My God is so faithful!

    Road signs.
    A chief complaint of mine in this past year would most likely be, "I'm lost!" Anybody else relate? Not as in, I got in the car and I took a wrong turn. No, that's a perpetual state (it seems) that I've grown accustomed to. I'm talking about my spiritual walk. I'm talking about that feeling that everyone else around you seems to be going somewhere with confidence and direction, and they're all looking at you like you should be doing the same. Especially since it's you, you know. Of course, why not? It's you. But then you kind of look around like, "Uhm, what? Me? I--uh,... Did I miss something here?" So you kind of gather up your courage and stumble along, hoping to God you're going the right way.
    Can't relate? Oh. Well... Anyway, this year has been packed with lessons. Good grief! I remember talking to a friend who mentioned something that happened this past summer and I had to step back and think for a minute. It felt like it had happened three years ago. So much has happened this year. I have 200+ pages in my journal to prove it. That's not even counting a full little journal used only in Israel. And God has told me and promised me so many things. He is never late. I can see that now. I knew it, but now I can see it.

    Road signs.
    If you had asked me two months ago, I would have said I haven't had any recently. But it seems so impossible to say now. Even when I felt like I didn't have exact coordinates, He led me right where I needed to be. How? Surely by His grace, because it was certainly nothing I have done.
    Listen: Never let hope die, okay? Even when it seems impossible. God is in the business of doing the impossible. Did you know that an event that happens to but one in a billion people occurs six times a day? 2,000 times a year! You read that right. 1 in 1,000,000,000. NEVER give up hope. Especially in the things God has promised you. It's really not so impossible as it seems.
    But I would advise you in this: the Lord works in mysterious ways, yes? So who knows how or what will exactly come about in those things He has told you. He knows. Just know that if He told you, He will do it. Whatever that means. (Starting to see why I felt a little clueless this year? But suddenly, that's the "magic" of it! Suddenly, somehow, He's teaching me to read those road signs that, apparently, have been there all along.)

June 4, 2010 -
    "If I'm still breathing, I still have a mission.
It could be daring and adventurous in a thrilling, life-threatening way. Or it could be the noble and daring call of steadfast love towards a lost loved one.
Tomorrow (though non-existent as of yet) is another day."

March 21, 2010 -
    "What does the veil mean in a wedding?
Is it to hide the bride or to hide the groom?
The bride doesn't change, but her view of the groom becomes more clear. Perhaps so it is with Christ and the Church. One day, at the right time, just before Christ and His Bride are perfectly united, there will be an unveiling, and the Church will see the face of God more clearly than ever."

May 8, 2010 -
    "Strange.
    Yet wonderful.
My God is faithful. When I feel alone and sad, He reminds me He is near. He will never leave me nor forsake me. Even when I feel like I'm going crazy, when I just don't understand, my God is with me still. He never let's me go; never forsaking me, He remains my constant."

June 9, 2010 -
    "The sunrise was absolutely marvelous this morning.
Brightest pink I've ever seen from 30,000 feet."

August 21, 2010 -

    "The girl who writes on the next page might not be the same girl who wrote on this one...

or perhaps a more realized version of her...

or a renewed and transformed one.

Tomorrow in Jerusalem!!"

November 13, 2010 - 

    "I believe I have just discovered a secret.

I was pondering. Pondering the idea of will in salvation. Salvation is obviously an act of God. He is the Saviour. I am the "saviee", so to speak. Anyway, the idea of joy and duty and love crossed my mind.

It is not a joy to carry your cross daily? 

It is a joy because His yoke is easy. His burden is light.

What a trick! The world has made it everything you don't want. The hardest thing. Foolishness. Suffering.

But all of that is fallacy.

It's life. It's freedom. It is the easiest burden.

Love. Joy. Forgiveness. Renewal. Transformation..."

December 7, 2010 -

    "Why shall I not be in want? Because the Lord is my Shepherd."

December 17, 2010 -

    "Rest. Trust. Lean. Wait."

Flipping through some of the pages and reflecting on these last few months... I have only just now realized what a special time of rest this has been.

Time away.

Time alone in quiet.

Solitude & silence.

I'll cherish the last bits of it. I am thankful.

A beautiful year. Stunning. I have learned so much. And still I learn... And all I can think is that these things are but a shadow of the things to come.

Oh! How great is our God!

-=-

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, 

your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying: 

'This is the way; walk in it.' 

-[Isaiah 30:21]

1:52am

[Jessica Whitaker]

There are occasions in which comments come with perfect timing. Those times when you very least expect to hear them. When you weren't looking for them. When they come almost as if asking a question. "Did you know...?" Out of the blue.

Someone says it and suddenly the questions in your mind are stilled. The anxiety and doubt you didn't even know were boiling beneath the surface are revealed and dispelled in a moment. You are encouraged. You are reminded.

You are humbled.

And did you know it was so simple? Did you know it would be so easy? So paradoxically uncomplicated. [(I love speaking in riddles.)] Beautifully constructed. Methodically orchestrated. With purpose and intent. Did you know it would be so simple as this? Just remember: Even closer.

It's all hinged on this.

Not me. Him.

Praise God for His faithfulness.
Praise Him for His patience and unending mercy.
And glory to God, this unconditional love!

And I realize that I am still learning. Still growing. Still making mistakes. Still knowing. And it is in the stillness, when I let the waters quiet and become like a mirror, His reflection shows and I learn to move like He moves.

[Psalm 46:10]