Breakthrough

You know, sometimes our victories do not seem very significant to onlookers. Do not let that deter your own joy. Nor let it stop you from rejoicing in the victories won by others, no matter how small.

Some victories are those things we have done for the very first time. After all, you only have a First once in your life.

Oh how I long to write, yet I cannot find the words to say. How I long to tell about what God is doing, yet I am reluctant to share the passings of my secret journey. I have learned, it seems, so much - yet to others it may appear to be very trivial. And you know, it might even seem obvious to some.

Peace is not the eradication of uncertainty. Faith and peace coexist. Faith insinuates that there is still something to be hoped for because it has yet to happen. Yet peace is a stillness of the soul in the midst of storming circumstances.

And oh! How I long to read. Yet, somehow the time escapes me. Time, time. Ever-present; ever-moving. We experience only a sliver of time while imagining the whole as past and future. We are promised nothing. God engulfs the whole of it and works outside of it and within it. He is not constrained, but is living and active.

Complexity. Paradox. Mystery.
Oh what a mighty God we serve.

It is like Michelangelo said, "I am still learning."
אני לומדת

And ever will I be.

Did you know a seed must be buried and die before new life can breakthrough the surface of the soil?

I planted those flowers with my Aunt Meg. I very much enjoyed getting my hands dirty with fertile earth. I do not need that plant, but it will not survive without water and sunshine and soil. If it is not taken care of it cannot grow. And the one thing it can accomplish is not much compared with what things much greater than it has done. Yet it serves best by being exactly what it was meant to be...and nothing more is expected of it. It must only be a flower. I did not mind reaching down and getting my hands dirty for that.

I'd never seen so many singing colors at once before...
Only in a rainbow. Only in a promise.

But first, there was a breakthrough from darkness into the light.

Summery Thoughts and Vanilla Green Tea

Summer has begun and I am quite enjoying the leisure time. It started off in the home of some family friends. I read four books in three days. It was great. Nothing was required of me, yet I still managed to finished what needed to be done. Amazing, no?

Then I took a flight. Or more correctly, the plane was delayed for six hours...

and then I took a flight.

And during this flight I met a few people. (Of course, what else do you do with six hours when you are stuck in a terminal with dozens of people stuck with you?) And, obviously, one of the topics was the delay. We all shared our opinions, most were quite upset about the delay. I don't exactly remember where the conversation led, but I do know I shared a certain idea and wondered why it wasn't implemented. A new friend said, "Well, some people don't think as logically as you do."

I thought that was a funny comment.

I don't really think of myself as logical.

Math is logic, right? I'm not terrible at math, but the way it functions really disagrees with me. I thought the word "cold" might fit, but that seems unfair. I have a great respect for those who can master the discipline of math. For me, it's seems I have a touch of C.S. Lewis' problem. When it comes to math, I can just as well as anybody add, subtract and multiply. I can set up an equation for you and understand the concepts... but for some odd reason I don't get the right answer. But it's logical.

Sometimes when one of us kids would do something wrong or dangerous, etc., my dad sat us down and would ask why in the world we did what we did. It didn't make sense. It wasn't logical. Apparently by the age of seven, we develop the ability to "think logically". Whatever the heck that exactly means. Honestly, this stuff we call "knowledge" can be so terribly vague sometimes.

I wonder if there is a certain distinction between being logical and being sensible. I might be more sensible than logical. Correct me if I'm wrong, are not logical decisions more based on what will end up being most efficient or something of the sort? Because being efficient makes the most sense...

Okay, so who made up that rule?

I understand that we must be good stewards of what is given us. But since when does that mean efficiency. Or, to be more specific, efficiency in the sense it is thought of it today. "Make the most of your money" and all that. Now, I hope you're not thinking what I'm trying to say is "Blow all your money! Who cares??" ((People have a tendency to believe that if you don't think or agree with one idea, you must think or agree with the complete opposite. For example, if a person says they don't agree with such and such republican candidate's ideas about this and that issue, people automatically assume this person is a democrat.)) My point is: I do think we should be good stewards (because eventually we'll have to give an account), but perhaps the idea of efficiency has been skewed.

Is one efficient when they are able to gain more than they gave? Like, investing in stock and getting more money back. Or developing interest off your money. (How did this turn into a money issue anyway?) What I am really getting at is perhaps there are different ways to be efficient, if that's the key.

Or maybe it's more about the experience. Maybe it's more about the journey than the destination. Maybe the journey is the destination. . .

- The writer then drifted off into a pondering mood...

The 'Thin Places'

What if the Truth is there...

Right there in front of our faces...

just waiting to be known?

-=-

Genesis 1:6-8

וַיֹּאמֶר אֱלֹהִים יְהִי רָקִיעַ בְּתֹוךְ הַמָּיִם וִיהִי מַבְדִּיל בֵּין מַיִם לָמָֽיִם׃

וַיַּעַשׂ אֱלֹהִים אֶת־הָרָקִיעַ וַיַּבְדֵּל בֵּין הַמַּיִם אֲשֶׁר מִתַּחַת לָרָקִיעַ וּבֵין הַמַּיִם אֲשֶׁר מֵעַל לָרָקִיעַ וַֽיְהִי־כֵֽן׃

וַיִּקְרָא אֱלֹהִים לָֽרָקִיעַ שָׁמָיִם וַֽיְהִי־עֶרֶב וַֽיְהִי־בֹקֶר יֹום שֵׁנִֽי׃ פ

"And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which [were] under the firmament from the waters which [were] above the firmament: and it was so. And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day."

-=-

מַיִם - (mayim) dual of an unused singual - water

שָׁמָיִם - (shamayim) dual of an unused singual - no definition; correponds to שָׁמָיִן (shamayin) meaning heaven; also, (shawmeh) from an unused root meaning to be lofty; the sky (as aloft). The dual (shamayim) perhaps alluding to the visible arch in with the clouds move, as well as to the higher either where the celestial bodies revolve: -air, heaven.

לָרָקִיעַ - (rawkeeah) from (raw-kah') a primitive root; to pound the earth (as a sign of passion); by analogy to expand (by hammering); by implication, to overlay (with thin sheets of metal):--beat, make broad, spread abroad (forth, over, out, into plates), stamp, stretch. - properly, an expanse, i.e. the firmament or (apparently) visible arch of the sky:--firmament.

firmament - the vault of heaven; sky. origin: 1250–1300; ME <>to strengthen, support ( see firm2 ) + -mentum -ment

_{(*definitions found from Strong's Exhaustive Concordance that I found today in an old Methodist Church thrift shop and dictionary.com)}

-=-

Okay, so you may be thinking "Uhm, that's all a bunch of gobbledygook to me... what does it mean?" First of all, I can't take credit for the spark of this inspiration. All credit goes to my Hebrew professor, Dr. Zieman, who mentioned the relation of water to heaven in my lesson last Thursday during our overview of the new vocabulary.

Okay, so the initial thoughts before the Genesis reference, what am I saying?

I'm saying that there's a pretty good chance that we are missing some key information about heaven. And I'm also saying that I don't understand it all myself yet. The words water and heaven are very similar. And it is an expanse derived from a word that means to pound as a sign of passion? "The Spirit hovered over the waters..." Does that mean that at one point in creation, the makings of heaven and earth were combined? And He divided "the waters". I always thought this was sky and sea. Atmosphere and ocean. But heaven is the expanse between these two? What does that mean? Where is it? Is it still connected?

I find all of this so fascinating. I don't want to over-read the text. I simply want to take a fresh look at something that may have been overlooked many a time by myself and perhaps many others. Or if not overlooked, then misunderstood.

Though I could be wrong.
It wouldn't be the first time.

But it's okay to be wrong. You learn from that... most of the time. And I think it's okay to wonder. It's okay to wonder if maybe there's more to it... or less to it. And it's good to wonder what implications there might be...

Hmm...

I have learned from a very good professor that sometimes there is more to be taught by not giving an answer, but leaving the thinking and wondering to the audience. For those who truly wish to learn, motivation will spark a desire and willingness to research the idea for deeper understanding. And time is not lost on those who do not care for it.

-=-

"Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries,
And daub their natural faces unaware..."

_{- Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "Aurora Leigh"}

Reflections of...

...a soul learning to fly.

Just another peek into what goes on inside of me.

Because it's been awhile since I've sat down to write a blog on whatever may come to mind.

Something unedited and unapologetic.

Growing up is not easy, but you can't expect to be spoon fed for the rest of your life. No one wants to live that way. Or if they do, I don't see how they could ever be content with that.

I should probably, at this point, go ahead and warn you that this is not going to flow in a well-written, organized manner. If you don't see some sort of connection between one thought and the next, that's okay. It's probably because there isn't one. Or if there is, it was by distance relation to other ideas in between that went by too quickly to catch and put down in words. I wouldn't expect to get anything theologically profound in the next few sentences or paragraphs or phrases... whatever this may turn out to be. This is just a little therapy for me.

This is a Tree Swallow, from my understanding. Isn't it gorgeous? Look at that blue! That is the most marvelous blue... I saw about two dozen of them today while I was standing out on the dock before lunch. They were all sitting along the railing facing me, against the wind. I didn't want to disturb them. Well, that's alright because the wind started getting rough (nearly knocking me over) and so they took to flight. They dipped and swooped and spun, ascended and dove and glided... it was beautiful. Carefree. Skilled. I just loved watching them. They would get so close to the water they nearly touched it, yet they left enough room to flap their wings to rise higher again. Lovely. And there were so many! Not once did they collide, though they moved swiftly in what seemed zigzag, undetermined motions. Perhaps there's a dance to it...

Do you ever wonder what people think about? Are they thinking about anything at all? Their schedule? What someone just said to them? The next thing they are going to say? Agenda? To-do list? That girl or that guy that looked their way? When they might get a chance to eat next and wondering if their favorite soup will be in today? Their current circumstances? Problems? Potential solutions? Are we always thinking about something or is it possible to not be thinking anything at all? You can still be thinking when you're not really thinking about thinking, can't you? Or perhaps it's just the brain is constantly at work. Even when we're sleeping.

Or how about what kinds of things people say throughout the day? Like when some people walk by and you catch just a snippet of the conversation their having, do you ever wonder what started that conversation or where it will lead? Or when you consciously hear that constant drum of noise in the cafeteria and you remember that, hey, those are actually people talking about things. Usually all different things. You might have heard it said that women say speak several thousands or words a day while men speak almost less than half. Heard of a statistic like that? Actually, men and women speak about the same amount.

So out of all those thousands and thousands of words that you speak a day (which just goes to show you the flexibility and creativity that is found in language that you can come up with completely new sentences everyday for the rest of your life...), out of all those spoken words plus all of those words that you think in a day... about how much of that is about God?
Okay.

About how much of that is about you or your life or what you have to do? For that matter, how much do I think about me and my life and my future? Right. Something needs to be done about that.

You know, it's kind of nice that it's not all about me. Because if it's all about me, I don't know, that would almost be disappointing. Not because I'm a bad person or anything...

But I'm so small.

I would just have to wonder, isn't there more to all of this?
And if you really take a while to look around, to consider the stars and planets and galaxies that are quadrillions of times bigger than our sun... and you take a moment to get outside of your own head and remember that there are other people around you, not only those you can see right next to you, but those that are across the world that you have never met and probably never will meet... and you look at the paradox of the complexity and simplicity of life on this planet... somehow you get this shrinking feeling, this humbling knowledge that you just know it can't be all about you.

It's not.

We waste so much time. So much time.
If you get the suggested amount of sleep -- 8 hours -- every night... you sleep one third of you life away. And that's actually good for you. Really? A third of it! Gone!

Listen, I've been thinking.
You may feel like you don't have a lot of time on your hands, and you're probably right. But the good thing is, we can multitask. How about this idea: there are parts of my job that I feel like I could do blindfolded backwards while standing on my head. It's not that it's super easy, it's just tedious and repetitive. What if I used that time to pray unceasingly? I would get four hours or work and prayer in a day. That's one fourth of the 16 hours that I'm awake. I, personally, am going to try and use my "half hours" more purposefully as well. There are things I need to do and get done. Can't I do them in my "in-betweens"? If I'm going to sleep about a third of my life anyway, I might as well be good and tired when I do it, right?

Our lives are but a vapor.
A blink of an eye.
Quick.

But count your life by love lavished instead of seconds spent.
It's a lot more motivating.