Inescapable Awareness

Renovation of the Heart and Mind

2011-09-28T21:03:00.001-04:00

(and maybe a little on the blog as well, as you may have noticed)

Many of you know that if I haven't posted in awhile, it's usually because:
[a] I haven't anything (complete) to say worth writing or reading
[b] I've been procrastinating
[c] I'm learning something
[d] A little of all the above.
In this case, I would circle "d". I usually write when there's something I want to say... And I haven't pieced all the puzzle together yet, but I'm starting to see the picture fill in. A friend encouraged me recently to blog about what He is doing... in me and the world. No easy task, but here I am.

For now I think I'll have to stick with the former. I can't claim to know what He IS doing specifically, only what I know He does and plans to do. I do know that for the world He works to bring new life. That is His mission.

Jesus, the "Resurrection and Life" (John 11:25) said:

"I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." - [John 10:9-11]

I have been learning so much. And it seems I learn in trends. By trends, I mean that one topic is in focus for quite some time, then it shifts to another topic that is enriched by the first topic. But in the meantime, the second topic also sheds light on the first. They are part of a trend.

The recent trend has been love.

Out of this has come ponderings and realizations concerning the importance and significance of love. God's love. You see why I haven't had anything to write? How can I even begin to scratch the surface on this topic? And what could be more important to correctly convey? What I'm beginning to realize more and more is how much it all depends on this. This is at the center. It's Him. His love is not just part of Him, He is His love. [1 John 4:16]

So what is this doing in me?
My focus has been rooted to these verses:

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?”

And [Jesus] said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” -[Matthew 22:36-40]

When Jesus said this, it might be a little confusing to us who think of the commandments as the "big 10" found in Exodus 20. Neither one of these seems to be found in the Ten Commandments. However, to the Pharisees, this was incredibly significant. See, the Jews read the Torah, which is the first five books of the Bible. This is the Law that Jesus was referring to, and within it are 613 commandments. Yeah, that's a lot more than 10. So, out of these commandments, which did Jesus think was the greatest? It was really a trick question. (You can check out the reference to see that.) They were trying to trip Him up.
They didn't expect Jesus to say what He did. He quoted to them something very familiar... something that is still the foundational creed of Judaism today. It is called the Shema. It comes out of Deuteronomy chapter 6:

"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

As you can see, this was quite a big deal. And to this, Jesus added that the second greatest commandment is to "love your neighbor as yourself." - [Leviticus 19:18] He said that this commandment was like the first. In other words, it connects with what John said in 1 John 4:16.

"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him."

    When we love others, we are keeping the first commandment, that we love God. And when we love God, we can do that by showing our love to others. This is central. Jesus says it sums up the Law and the Prophets! In other words He's saying that this is the underlying essence. This is the key. Love.

    So this spreads out to everything. Everything. He did it all for love. This demands a re-estimation of our understanding of what love really is. Because Jesus said there was no greater love than someone laying down their life for their friends. [John 15:13] Love is more than romance. It's greater than a feeling that fades. It's bigger than your fears and stronger than death. It is Him. It changes your life. It transforms. It renews. It gives life!

    How do I convey the gravity of this? How can I show you all that I am learning? How can I help you understand? This is so important. This is the meaning. The reason... for all of it. He did it all for love. And I have so much yet to learn myself. His glory and His love. The purpose. His sovereignty. Our choices. The plan...

This journey Somewhere is taking me down a path that points to love. It's renovating my heart, rewiring my mind. It is challenging me. Daring me to live my life out of this love. To dare to love completely. To live life wholly. And to live life in love, I must live it in Him. I know it sounds kind of mystical, and I'm trying my best to explain it. He is life, how can try to live without this Life who is Love?

Ani lomedet. I am learning. Always learning...
Learning to trust, lean, wait... Learning to love. To hope. To live.

Signature Scent

2011-06-26T22:45:00.004-04:00

I have a confession to make...

For the past several months I have been on a desperate search for my signature scent. Yeah, I bought into that whole idea of a personal, one and only, "wow-every-time-I-smell-this-I-think-of-you" scent. Allow me to attempt to justify myself for such a belief. Everybody knows that certain smells trigger certain memories. So it stands to reason that if someone smells a certain way all the time, then that smell will become associated with them, yes? Thus their signature scent.
...
That's it. Sorry, no mind-boggling, brilliant, philosophical notions on this one. Just always wanted to have a "Brittany" smell. A good one, preferably. I know some of you are probably thinking, "Uhm, everyone has a smell, Brittany." People will smell like their house or their laundry detergent or their body spray... even just their personal, inherent scent...or some combination of those. Right, but I seriously don't have one. No really. I know you can't smell yourself, so I've asked other people. "What do I smell like?" Big whiff. Pause. Pressing of my skin to their face, another big whiff. "Uh...nothing." Seriously.

So! I wanted my own scent. And I'm picky. Super picky. Most perfumes, if you didn't know, have alcohol infused in them. It's for utility purposes and spraying and stuff. Well, that junk gives me headaches most of the time. Awesome. Conveniently I've been on this all natural kick for awhile, so I started researching natural perfumery. (I know, I'm a total nerd.) Anyway, there's a difference, still, between natural perfumery and organic perfumery. And even more of a difference if you go vegan. Yes. Vegan. People, this stuff can get expensive too! So, I looked through different websites, I traversed Etsy stores... but shopping online for something you simply must smell is pretty difficult. So, I ventured to buy only a few samples. Some were okay... at least, that's what I convinced myself. But not me. The search continued.

Then I even began to consider scented lotions. I mean, after all, perfume (at least many natural ones) you have to dab on (because the essential oils don't spray without that added alcohol), and so the scent is kind of isolated. I'd spend quite a bit of time on the cosmetic aisle in the stores I went to...sniffing things. I came across a pretty nice, natural, shea moisture lotion that I enjoy quite a bit...and finally bought after coming back to it at three different stores. But it's still not my signature scent. (I know, I'm rambling... I have a point to this.)

Last night I came across the closest thing I've found yet. Hah... I can't believe I'm actually writing about this. It's made by a natural perfumer in Italy. Get this, it's a French man who's converted to Sufi Islam. (Of course, right? I would pick the most random thing ever.) He's a perfume composer. For real. Well, after all the reviews I read, apparently the guy is a genius. Anyway, I was just browsing his site and came across a scent called Tasneem, the warrior poet. Loved the name. I kinda chuckled to myself and opened the page for more info. Loved the bottle. And, of course, it had all my favorite scents... almondy floral accent, vanilla, Egyptian jasmine...a subtle, muted sweet with an oriental (middle eastern) twist... Oh, and it cost way too much money. I knew I had a problem which I actually began to consider it.

Don't worry, I got snapped out of it today. I know I was being silly. Lately, my focus on material things has been pretty shameful. Just preoccupied with too much stuff. I don't need anything. I mean, I need to pay off some student loans eventually, but I don't need another pair of jeans or some fancy luggage... All of this stuff is just so temporary. And today, I was reminded that I need to keep my eyes on "things above" and not on "earthly things". [Colossians 3:1-4]
There's nothing wrong with wearing perfume. There's nothing wrong with nice clothes. Please don't misunderstand me. I splurge from time to time myself. It's fun to have a nice little sundress to wear. But I can't be thinking about those things all the time. They can't be my focus. Those temporary, material things don't even need to get close to that. I don't have enough time to live for the temporary. If I want to live for God, I need to focus on things that have eternal significance. I need to shape my life with love, style it with joy, mark it with peace...

It's not my clothes that make me beautiful.
It's a kind and gentle spirit. -[1 Peter 3:3-4]
In 10 years it won't matter what I smelled like.
I want my life to ooze God's love. I want it to permeate the air around me. To obey His voice, follow the Spirit, and let Him use me in such a way that people do a mental "double take" and wonder what just passed by. Not so that they'll think about me, or so I feel special... but so that it will trigger something inside of them. Something familiar. And remind them of Him. [Ecclesiastes 3:11] That it will touch that deep longing in them for something more...and maybe they'll recognize it's Him they're looking for.
Perfume? I'd rather be saturated with the fragrance of Christ and Life mentioned in 2 Corinthians 2:14.
Let that be my signature scent.

Þú Ert Jörðin & Leaves of Gold

2011-04-28T22:28:00.009-04:00

"I do not know how the great loving Father
will bring out light at last,

but He knows, and He will do it."

-David Livingstone

Long in waiting, I have no idea what I will write.

I only know that for a couple of weeks now, it's been pressing on me to write here again.

On my desk sits a thousand things.

Old film and picture frames. Old books full of poetry.
Most of it still unread.

Letters in a box overflowing.

Sunglasses from a distant land.

Notes. Timelines. CDs. Folders and calendars.

Wire, books, and string.

Rocks covered in salt from the Dead Sea.

Sand dollars. Sea shells.

Glass bottles full of notes for me.

Purple and pink flowers fading...

This semester has been something. That's for sure. I guess this is what college is supposed to feel like? I have learned so much. And mostly from the two classes that I was completely dreading! Isn't that ironic? In fact, the teacher I feared the most at the beginning of the semester taught me the most.

I was stretched. I was tried. I was poked and prodded and challenged. It was beautiful. Incredibly, annoyingly painful, but beautiful. Beautiful. That word carries such weight. Such marvelous weight of meaning! It's heady. It's potent... But I can't go there just now.

-mark momentary pondering, back-spacing and frustrated contemplation on the next move in this post...-

     A statement worth noting here that was mentioned this past semester is, "Human beings cannot live without poetry." That's a pretty bold statement. But I'm wondering more and more at how true it seems. We can't live without this charged form of language. There are just some things that we cannot describe in the form of prose properly. A sunset. The birth of a child. Falling in love... And even God. There are some parts of the Bible that we enjoy not only for it's instruction and importance or application, but because it's beautifully written. Because, as my professor says, "It's darn good poetry."
   I have so much yet to learn. And I'm wondering how I walked around before without knowing all the things I know now. It's interesting how enriched our lives become with heightened understanding. And it's not that I'm claiming to lay hold of truth. It's laying hold of me. I have to wrestle with it. And it's risky! Because it changes you. It touches something in the core of your being.
     Now that's something I've been learning this semester. Do you ever wonder... We sometimes hold God at arm's length. "Yes, I want to feel Your comfort and Your presence and Your love... but don't get too close! Whoa! Right there is quite close enough. Yes, that's close enough. Maybe scoot back a couple of inches... You're making me uncomfortable." Do you know what I'm talking about? Right. So, why do we do that? Why do we look into the face of perfect love and say, "Nah, too much of a good thing has to be bad for you."
     I think it's more than a fear of disappointment. After all, God has never given us a reason not to trust Him. I think it's a fear of what His love will do to us. Because, no doubt we will change. You will be transformed. How could you not be? How could your world not be utterly rocked when wrapped inside the arms of the God of the universe? "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of a living God." (Hebrews 10:31). Are we not to consider such things carefully? Then abandon ourselves to it recklessly...
     Sounds radical, doesn't it? Faith. Surrender.
   But we fear change, I think. Could it be that we're afraid of what we could be? Or maybe what we'll never be... To truly wrestle with truth and beauty and reality and love... these things will mark us. The fight will leave us with a limp for the rest of our lives. But what if we limp away seeing the world differently? More clearly? More vibrantly? More fully?
     I will not pretend to have all of this figured out. That's the beauty of it too. The mystery. The pursuit. The chase. The constant knowing and seeking to know more. The moment, still and moving. And this isn't some unattainable meditative or super-ultra-spiritual state. It doesn't mean you're impossibly joyful or unearthly serene all of the time. It means you're alive.
      You know... those moments in the mundane. The monotony. Can you see it? The wind blowing the trees. The blue against the green. The feeling of the sun's warmth on your chilled fingers. The smell of food when you're hungry and about to eat. The feeling when you just finished something. The jingling of keys. The feeling of sitting after standing a long time... Do you know what I'm talking about? A true poet can see beauty in the most simple things. The hard and the plain things. In the real things.

I have a lot of work ahead of me. And, at the moment, I don't really know what's going to happen. I'm moving forward, hoping that I'm going in the right direction. Hoping. Expectant. Waiting.
You know, that place where you've done everything you can do... so now it's up to Him. And letting go can be so hard, because I still hold responsibility. I still have to try. I still have to run, trusting that He's guiding me. And life is crazy. Unexpected. Well, at least it is to me. To Him, well, He knows everything. That's why it's good to be holding onto His hand.

"Let us, then, be up and doing,

With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

Learn to labor and to wait."

- Henry W. Longfellow

Somewhat like an Epiphany

2011-02-18T00:36:00.001-04:00

I'm sensing a shift in perspective.

Or maybe understanding or sight.

So staunchly before perceiving truth,

discerning what was right.

No lesser there do I grow

in my knowledge and understanding

(ever drawn and guided by the Word,

its Light therein).

But suddenly beauty bursts forth in everything.

And creation groans

for the revelation of the sons of God.

They seek the light,

but blind eyes knowing not where to look

(light gives heat,

turning their face toward,

hearts inclined)

they express their anguish

and their yearning

in book and song and rhyme.

Hiddeness and metaphor.

Beauty, depth and questioning

from inmost of the soul,

reflections of His endowed creativity.

I am learning to see.

To perceive Truth.

To not shoot down the world's expressions,

but to see them truly,

to their root.

To see their motivation and true question.

Intention.

And in that seeing, undisguised,

I do not condemn,

but have compassion on them

And here the Love of God is able to follow,

flow.

Perhaps a shift in understanding,

though here I lightly tread,

in seeing the world not as an enemy,

but as lost and broken instead.

Not as a theif bent to corrupt,

but corrupted by dark lies...

waiting to find Truth,

and know Love.

(At least their souls' intent,

though the heart knows it not.)

-Are we not to be light?-

"Futher Up, Further In..."

2011-01-23T17:30:00.002-04:00

Can it already have been 23 days into the new year?
    This month has been like a whirlwind for me. Yet, though it now seems to have passed in a flash, its duration seems more along the lines of a few months instead of just around three weeks. (The paradox of time... or our perceptions of time...) Here's some stuff out of the overflow:

    I am back in America.
    Coming back here feels like trying to keep up on a major highway with a bicycle. Can I please go back to the picturesque, twisting country roads with little traffic and lots of time to ponder the world from my worn, comfortable old Schwinn bicycle seat? (That was a metaphor... I didn't have country roads to ride on, and my bike temporarily has a popped front tire.)

It is so good to see old friends again. To spend time with them, to share the Word with them, to pour out truth and have truth poured in, to encourage, uplift, listen... To joke and laugh and play. To live. To be. You know what I'm talking about? Living life. Not surviving life. Living it.
   And I'm not talking about that "wild side" "living the life" stuff, either. I'm talking about the real stuff. The simple stuff. The stuff we miss sometimes if we're not looking up from our cell phones and computer screens.
    I'm talking about conversation. Relationship. Face-to-face, flesh and blood stuff.
The "stop-in-your-tracks-and-gaze-in-awe-at-the-sunset" stuff.
The learning you were wrong and it's okay stuff.
Real life.

    What a blessing to be alive!
    What a blessing to be able to go to classes that challenge me and sharpen my critical thinking skills. What a blessing to force myself out of bed, to push myself to learn and know more, to drive toward...

    Light falls across my keyboard and shoots a reflection through the the tumbler holding my tea. Piano music is streaming through the speakers. My Bible is close at hand. I have a paper to write. A couple of textbooks to read. Some Romantic poets to endure... And through it all, I'm just looking for those things God is trying to show me, to teach me. To make me more like Him.

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. We pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious riches so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully give thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."

-[Colossians 1:9-12]

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God... I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."

-[Ephesians 3:14-19, 4:1-3]

"For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart my be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe..."

-[Ephsians 1:15-19]

Ah! There is so much more! You must read it! Sharpen your minds. He's so good! His plan of salvation and for the kingdom of heaven is so intricate and masterfully pieced together. How could we ask for more? What a beautiful mystery, this gospel of Jesus Christ!

Road Signs

2010-12-31T17:06:00.002-04:00

If I may stop along the journey to reflect on the ways I've come...

    Do you know those moments? Those moments where you stop in wonder at where you've just come from, what has just happened... those moments where you realize and suddenly your breath is stolen away? Inspiration builds up in your chest, your heart beats a little faster... and you just wish you could write it all down, but there are not enough words; paint it out, but there are not enough colors; sing it in a melody, but your voice cannot reach all the notes?
    Ah! What a journey it's been! My fingers are far too clumsy to paint the picture with a song or a brush, even the stroke of a pen. Too much to tell! And do you know? It's not that my life is so much more extravagant or incredible. At least, not in the way you might expect at such a display. But I'm not overreacting. My God is so faithful!

    Road signs.
    A chief complaint of mine in this past year would most likely be, "I'm lost!" Anybody else relate? Not as in, I got in the car and I took a wrong turn. No, that's a perpetual state (it seems) that I've grown accustomed to. I'm talking about my spiritual walk. I'm talking about that feeling that everyone else around you seems to be going somewhere with confidence and direction, and they're all looking at you like you should be doing the same. Especially since it's you, you know. Of course, why not? It's you. But then you kind of look around like, "Uhm, what? Me? I--uh,... Did I miss something here?" So you kind of gather up your courage and stumble along, hoping to God you're going the right way.
    Can't relate? Oh. Well... Anyway, this year has been packed with lessons. Good grief! I remember talking to a friend who mentioned something that happened this past summer and I had to step back and think for a minute. It felt like it had happened three years ago. So much has happened this year. I have 200+ pages in my journal to prove it. That's not even counting a full little journal used only in Israel. And God has told me and promised me so many things. He is never late. I can see that now. I knew it, but now I can see it.

    Road signs.
    If you had asked me two months ago, I would have said I haven't had any recently. But it seems so impossible to say now. Even when I felt like I didn't have exact coordinates, He led me right where I needed to be. How? Surely by His grace, because it was certainly nothing I have done.
    Listen: Never let hope die, okay? Even when it seems impossible. God is in the business of doing the impossible. Did you know that an event that happens to but one in a billion people occurs six times a day? 2,000 times a year! You read that right. 1 in 1,000,000,000. NEVER give up hope. Especially in the things God has promised you. It's really not so impossible as it seems.
    But I would advise you in this: the Lord works in mysterious ways, yes? So who knows how or what will exactly come about in those things He has told you. He knows. Just know that if He told you, He will do it. Whatever that means. (Starting to see why I felt a little clueless this year? But suddenly, that's the "magic" of it! Suddenly, somehow, He's teaching me to read those road signs that, apparently, have been there all along.)

June 4, 2010 -
    "If I'm still breathing, I still have a mission.
It could be daring and adventurous in a thrilling, life-threatening way. Or it could be the noble and daring call of steadfast love towards a lost loved one.
Tomorrow (though non-existent as of yet) is another day."

March 21, 2010 -
    "What does the veil mean in a wedding?
Is it to hide the bride or to hide the groom?
The bride doesn't change, but her view of the groom becomes more clear. Perhaps so it is with Christ and the Church. One day, at the right time, just before Christ and His Bride are perfectly united, there will be an unveiling, and the Church will see the face of God more clearly than ever."

May 8, 2010 -
    "Strange.
    Yet wonderful.
My God is faithful. When I feel alone and sad, He reminds me He is near. He will never leave me nor forsake me. Even when I feel like I'm going crazy, when I just don't understand, my God is with me still. He never let's me go; never forsaking me, He remains my constant."

June 9, 2010 -
    "The sunrise was absolutely marvelous this morning.
Brightest pink I've ever seen from 30,000 feet."

August 21, 2010 -

"The girl who writes on the next page might not be the same girl who wrote on this one...

or perhaps a more realized version of her...

or a renewed and transformed one.

Tomorrow in Jerusalem!!"

November 13, 2010 -

"I believe I have just discovered a secret.

I was pondering. Pondering the idea of will in salvation. Salvation is obviously an act of God. He is the Saviour. I am the "saviee", so to speak. Anyway, the idea of joy and duty and love crossed my mind.

It is not a joy to carry your cross daily?

It is a joy because His yoke is easy. His burden is light.

What a trick! The world has made it everything you don't want. The hardest thing. Foolishness. Suffering.

But all of that is fallacy.

It's life. It's freedom. It is the easiest burden.

Love. Joy. Forgiveness. Renewal. Transformation..."

December 7, 2010 -

"Why shall I not be in want? Because the Lord is my Shepherd."

December 17, 2010 -

"Rest. Trust. Lean. Wait."

Flipping through some of the pages and reflecting on these last few months... I have only just now realized what a special time of rest this has been.

Time away.

Time alone in quiet.

Solitude & silence.

I'll cherish the last bits of it. I am thankful.

A beautiful year. Stunning. I have learned so much. And still I learn... And all I can think is that these things are but a shadow of the things to come.

Oh! How great is our God!

-=-

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left,

your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying:

'This is the way; walk in it.'

-[Isaiah 30:21]

1:52am

2010-11-19T02:10:00.002-04:00

[Jessica Whitaker]

There are occasions in which comments come with perfect timing. Those times when you very least expect to hear them. When you weren't looking for them. When they come almost as if asking a question. "Did you know...?" Out of the blue.

Someone says it and suddenly the questions in your mind are stilled. The anxiety and doubt you didn't even know were boiling beneath the surface are revealed and dispelled in a moment. You are encouraged. You are reminded.

You are humbled.

And did you know it was so simple? Did you know it would be so easy? So paradoxically uncomplicated. [(I love speaking in riddles.)] Beautifully constructed. Methodically orchestrated. With purpose and intent. Did you know it would be so simple as this? Just remember: Even closer.

It's all hinged on this.

Not me. Him.

Praise God for His faithfulness.
Praise Him for His patience and unending mercy.
And glory to God, this unconditional love!

And I realize that I am still learning. Still growing. Still making mistakes. Still knowing. And it is in the stillness, when I let the waters quiet and become like a mirror, His reflection shows and I learn to move like He moves.

[Psalm 46:10]

The Coming of the Northern Winds...

2010-10-27T09:43:00.005-04:00

    A "skill" I've come to acquire during my time in the Dominican Republic is an acute sensitivity to the weather. Alright, so that's a little be exaggerated, but truly, I notice things that I never did before. Like what the winds are telling you.
     You can tell a storm is coming when the wind gets moody and anxious. It kind of rolls like waves on a seashore. The other day while I was out with my little brother he mentioned the trees. "Listen! Listen to them sway." And, indeed, the wind was making the trees bend and whisper together. But this wind was not like other winds. I feel like Autumn is approaching.
Now, you must understand something. There is no Autumn here. There's no Fall or Winter seasons. We are much too close to the equator for any of that. However, there is a period of what we will call Relent. For about three months (or four, if you're lucky) of the year, there is a time when the winds change and it grows cooler. Cooler, not cold... especially not by any American standards of the word. But it is pleasant.
Even now, a cool breeze comes in my room, breathing in the morning...

    Just after I got back from Israel I stayed at my grandfather's house and went on walks through his lovely neighborhood. I often prayed on these walks alone. It was during one of these that God revealed another little piece of Himself to me.
I cannot tell you what I was thinking right at the moment that it all occurred to me. It wasn't by process of personal theological argument or rationalism that I came to this conclusion. I suppose there is a time and a place for those things. I am not condemning them. But I want to make the point that it wasn't because of anything I did that allows me to know Him. He makes Himself known. I just -- well, I happen to be there.
    While walking and thinking back on my experiences in Israel... somehow I come around to the topic of adventures. I love adventures. They are a sort of personal challenge on my courage and fortitude. (It's interesting to note that those things imply a mental or spiritual strength.) Anyway, it's also just plain fun.
    Like cave diving. What is it called? Spelunking? It's great!
    Or... like exploring a new city. Or taking on a problem as it comes at you. How do you react? Which way do you go? I know a lot of people don't like to get lost. However, I perpetually live in this state, it seems. For example, I was with a friend on their college campus. I knew I was in the United States, in a particular state, in a particular city, on that particular campus. Sure. I even knew where it was in relation to other cities. But could I get you back to where I just came from? No way. I could guess. I have a pretty good sense of direction. Maybe I just don't pay attention enough... But here's the thing: I don't get flustered when I get lost. It's kind of like, "Okay, there has to be another way. Now it's just finding it." An adventure.

    Time out: Let's not get crazy. If it was my wedding day and the driver can't find the church or something like that and I'm already late because - after growing up in an event-oriented instead of time-oriented latin culture - my hair appointment went over time, so I know everyone's waiting on me and I can't help the driver because I don't know where I am...? I'd be a little frustrated. That's when I'd pray and ask for directions. God forbid that ever happens. :)
    Moving on...

    I have a love for adventure.
    A love for the newness of things.
    The unexplored.
    And I remember on my walk being disappointed all of the sudden. I can't remember exactly why. Perhaps the idea of "nothing new under the sun" came to mind. Maybe a cynical, dreary thought crossed my consciousness: Those are special cases. Cave diving. Visiting new lands... That's not what your life will actually look like. Maybe it was the idea that everything or everyone could eventually be known and the mystery would be gone. I don't know what it was. But a sad feeling came over me.
    Suddenly, I looked up. Did I hear that right? Can it be true?

I Am your Adventure.

My heart began to flutter and my mind swirled with the thought.

No matter how long I may search God or know Him, no matter how deep I go, I can still and forever go deeper. "We are tiny grains of sand on an eternal shore, the waves of the infinite ocean are falling, rushing towards, meeting us with the slightest kiss, then rushing back out to the unsearchable depths, begging us to be swept in and away. And a thousand miles in, we've only just begun to know..." -B.W. Murray

He is my constant.

And He is my adventure.

God has forever been the same, but we are just knowing Who He is. That's the adventure. Our whole lives can be spent getting to know just parts of Him. Small parts. Each experience is an opportunity to learn something new. What is He trying to tell us? Not about us or for our own sakes. What is He trying to tell us about Himself?

And do you know? That's what is so amazing about fellowship. When you get together with other people and begin to know them, they share some of those other revelations of God with you. They have other pieces to the puzzle. Time spent in fellowship with other believers buried in the Scriptures is as sweet to the soul as honey is to the tongue.

We seek and we find.

If I'm right, the season of Relent is coming. Perhaps in more ways than one... Who knows? God knows. All I know is: wherever He may be, I want to be there. No matter where that is. Why? Well... it's sure to be an adventure.

Heroic Ages and Hundreds of Pages to Go...

2010-10-21T18:38:00.004-04:00

Has it already been almost a month since I've been back from Israel? Really?

As of late, I've been doing more reading than writing. I have random bouts of that it seems.
I recently went to a yard sale and bought, oh, probably 8 books or so. A couple of novels, some philosophy, a history book or two. My biggest challenge is my Humanities textbook. Oh it's interesting... that's the problem. 599 pages bigger than my head, and I'll want to read and psychoanalyze every single one. As fascinated as I am with all of this faddle on the Heroic Age of ancient Greece... there's just no time for it. I have work to do. So much to do!
But a wise friend once told me: "You don't have any more work than He has for you." And He has never given me anything I couldn't handle before... (Oh no, we're not getting into that whole lesson of time management again, are we?)

I should write with purpose if I'm going to write at all. So why am I writing all of this? I never meant for this blog to be a sort of journal. Perhaps a collaboration of thoughts... Perhaps hints of inspiration. Certainly something that will at least get you thinking for a little while. Maybe all of this jumping around is due to my lack of writing as of late.

I've also been reading an old blog of mine from a few years ago. I like to go through things like that from time to time. It's almost like visiting an old friend. Some of the things I wrote, the truths I understood and related with such conviction... is it possible to forget such things? My hope is that when those moments of understanding take place and then flutter away, that somehow they took root in my soul though they've left my present and immediate consciousness. That they are tucked away deep in my heart. Written. Carved into my very being.

My last journal entry before I left for Israel says, "The girl who writes on the next page might not be the same girl who wrote on this one... or perhaps a more realized version of her... or a renewed and transformed one."
I'm only hoping that happened. That something took root. Maybe I just have to water it (or let it be watered), and it will soon bloom into something.
I don't feel any different, but it's not about feelings anyway, is it? I have never felt different. As years have gone by I have been me, though my understanding deepens and my knowledge grows. My essence remains.

I am beginning to feel like Israel wasn't the beginning or ending of anything. Though the sun set in the picture above, my last snapshot of the Holy Land, it hasn't set on this season. (Though this season is beginning to feel like a winter in the Arctic Circle. Or is it summer?) What I mean is, it seems to be a transition... or something. A shift of sorts. A realignment, maybe. I don't know yet. I'm still trying to figure it out.
Because it's been a different kind of challenge. Not a struggle, not a breeze. It's like a meandering twist of unexpected turns rather than a horizontal movement. And I'm wondering how many pages I have to go in this chapter until it starts making sense.
But oh, the paradox of me! How I love a mystery.

Over the Edge

2010-09-19T13:46:00.006-04:00

    She began hiking up the rocky hill. Although it had been chilly that morning in Jerusalem, it had suddenly gotten hot and dry. After all, she had descended to nearly the lowest point on the planet. The group was scheduled to repel down the mountains of Qumran within view of the Dead Sea. She had already been to Qumran once, when they came to see (from afar) the caves where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found. Now she found herself climbing along those same hills. And, already, she was clinging to the rock wall side of the trail and not looking down. A little high.
     She's not afraid of heights. No, no. She simply respects them. After all, it's not the fall that kills you. It's the ground. It would be silly to be afraid of the ground, right? So she respects heights. They offer a great view. Too good a view to pass up.
    She was actually perfectly fine... that is until the guy started going over safety rules. Weird, huh? She pulled on the harness, a little nervous about its fitting, as she paid close attention to the instructions. Wait a second, we are doing it one-handed? Friction? How does that even work? He made it look so easy, but he was leaning at a 45 degree angle off a rock.
    The real fear started to come when she got close to the edge. It was a 130ft sheer drop to the unmerciful rocks below. "It's a 200% system. You have the harness and a safety rope. Nothing can happen to you." For some reason, this was not comforting as she thought about falling backwards over the edge... or, God forbid, slipping before any ropes were attached at all. During the rainy season, floods wash through Qumran, making the rocks smooth and even slippery.
    Her heart beat rapidly in her chest. It was her first time ever doing anything like this. Sure, she'd jumped off of like, maybe a 15ft cliff into water a couple of times. But this was so much higher. There seemed no room for error - even though they kept telling her she would be safe. She kept all of these things to herself. However, others voiced their opinion openly. They were scared. She admitted she was nervous too. The fear of the others was practically contagious... yet the reassurance of the more courageous were like a balm.
    I can do this. A strange peace settled over her as she encouraged a friend it was possible. They prayed for safety and steady feet. It's going to be okay. She certainly didn't want to leave the place not having tried.
    Her turn came. One of the leaders secured her line and told her to back toward the edge as he was on the phone. Up to this point, they were coaching people off the edge. "Spread your legs. Lean back. One step at a time. There you go. Good job. Straighten your knees." But now? Nothing. They were both on the phone. The phone! And she was about to lean over this cliff backwards?
    "Uhm... hey, is this right? Are my legs wide enough?" The man nodded quickly and waved his hand as a signal to continue. She took a few steps back. "Like this?" She leaned back, keeping a tight grip on the rope with her right hand, trying to get the feel of the weight and push-release effect. "Yeah, yeah, spread your legs a little wider. Go ahead."
    Slightly reassured, she worked her way down. Concentrate. Get the feel of the rope. Trust it. Lean back. That's key. Her lips trembled, but she began to enjoy herself. She even thought of jumping a bit, but was afraid to let the rope go too much and plummet too fast.. then panic. So she hopped a bit. Encouragement rang from below, "Yeah! Jump, Brittany!" She tried again and dropped a tiny bit. "I don't know how!" she laughed. Okay, grab back further on the rope and push off. Perfect! "Oh my gosh! This is the best!" She grew bolder and let the rope carry her down. The rush! More encouragement! Fear faded away in face of the sheer enjoyment and newness and victory. She could do this!

    When she reached the bottom, she looked back up the cliff she just conquered. She could hardly believe it. She had come down that? What a beautiful picture it painted of faith and trust, courage versus fear...

    All that fear mounted up right before going over the edge. All of the unnecessary fear because, in reality, I was always going to be okay. I had nothing to worry about. Not only was the lifeline secure, I also had a safety rope. I just had to trust the rope and harness to do their work.
    Sometimes I let the task before me scare me. I let it make me nervous and I doubt my ability and the tools God has provided for me. Then I look around at other people's reactions and I feed off of them. I fed off the fear, and it seemed rational. Wasn't dangerous? I embraced the fear and fostered it. But then I remembered who my God was. I remembered that He cares for me. The guides were in place and the proper tools provided. I just had to trust the rope and go over the edge.
    Courage - action despite fear. Perception had altered my view of reality. I thought the task dangerous, impossible... too big for me. Too high. I had never done anything like it before. And yet when I went over the edge, I found out that it really wasn't so bad at all. In fact, it was fun! And I had a whole crowd cheering for me, believing in me.

    I know it might not really be that huge of a revelation for some. It was just repelling down a mountain. But for me, I think I learned a great lesson that can be relearned again and again. I know this entry was a bit long, but there's something important to understand here.
    God is certainly going to ask us to do crazy things. Scary things. Irrational things. Things that tempt us to fear...and even those around us make us think we should fear. It's only reasonable to fear. But He always provides the tools necessary. He never gives you something you can't handle. So trust Him and step over the edge. You might find it to be the time of your life! And the view is fantastic.

Yad Vashem - Holocaust Memorial

2010-09-13T15:03:00.002-04:00

Let not mine heart be hardened,
    nor my compassion stilled.
Yet I fear the knowing,
    my understanding filled.
To let the pain seep so deep
    would rid me of my joy.
Ripping raw my heartstrings,
    my peace it would destroy.
But no!
    Horror fills my lungs,
    Grief rips at my breast,
    Lament fills my throat,
    Saddness heavy on my chest.
There is healing in this mourning,
My whole heart aches to know,
And as my eyes fill with tears
My love begins to grow.
    My heart yearns their understanding,
       for eyes still blind to see.
My soul burns to share the knowledge
       of Light and Hope in me.

-=-

Slow down for a moment and try to imagine.
"We do not mourn as those who have no hope..." [1 Thess. 4:13]
Yet still, we mourn.
Do not forget.

Shana Tovah!

2010-09-08T08:27:00.005-04:00

Today is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year! They are beginning (counting from creation) the year 5771. Rosh Hashanah is all about reconciliation with your neighbor to start the year off right. If someone feels they have wronged their brother or friend, the will go repair the relationship. It's the first of the High Holidays - a ten day repentance period also known as the "Days of Awe" - that ends with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. Rosh Hashanah is also noted for its memorial by shofar blowing.
Everyone dresses up for dinner, and usually they wear white. I will be experiencing my first Rosh Hashanah dinner tonight. One thing on the menu will be apples and honey, symbolizing a sweet and fruitful new year. The pomegranate is also an important fruit here in Israel. It's made up of hundreds of seeds. The tradition is that it has as many seeds as laws in the Torah.

Since Rosh Hashanah is observed as a day of rest, most shops closed up around 2pm today. There were tons of deals when my friends went out earlier as the shops are all having their "end of the year" sales. Though anticipation is in the air and everyone is greeting well wishes of a good year ("Shana Tovah"), there is a solemness about this holiday. It is more serious than festive, which really makes you think. It is amazing how reverent the people here are. Sabbath really is quiet, a true day of rest. The holidays are similar. Though, the Feast of Tabernacles is up and coming, a time of celebration. Perhaps I'll yet see dancing in the streets of Jerusalem...

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem...

2010-08-29T10:04:00.006-04:00

    Her fingers lightly brush across a column, unearthed nearly 2,000 years ago...
    The surroundings are not impressive. The space is about six feet wide, twenty feet long. There are large stones in the ground that serve as the road. She finds herself nearly twenty feet below "normal ground"... at least, that's as much as she can judge. The idea that ancient Israel is literally beneath her feet is a hard concept to grasp. Modern Israel is somewhere above her, though she's not underground. It's dank and smells a bit musty, but this is the City of David, on what used to be the main road leading to the "new" Jerusalem, near the pool of Shiloach. A pool, which, unfortunately, cannot be fully uncovered due to the property it is located under. There is a large mural on the wall which depicts what it could have looked like back in the first century AD. The tour guide, Hannah, explains a few details before they go see the real thing.
    As the smooth texture hits her fingers, her mind suddenly flashes back. An idea, a daydream of a possibility allows a smile to play on her lips. It is possible, after all, that He did think of me here... knowing I would come one day and think of Him.
    They turn the corner and a wide excavation opens up before them, its characteristic stones baking in the hot middle eastern sun. It was here. This is where Jesus sent the blind man after He put mud on the man's eyes. An empty place only 1/4 excavated. No water, just debris. An earthen wall rising up where the Arabic garden stood in opposition, fencing off her view. What must it have been like? Stretching out, a smooth pool cool and refreshing. The wide steps lead down as she tried to picture the scene before her. Tried to imagine what the man must have felt like... dipping down in darkness and coming up to the light. What did he see first? The water? The people? The walls and the hills of Judea? The pillars? The sun?

Did the very sight of sight steal his breath away?

-=-

There is no possible way to describe to you what it is like here.

The streets are not lined with gold, though they are sought after unto death nonetheless. The old walls are rough and rich with history. The country is indeed beautiful, but you would be surprised to know that those Judean hills were completely desolate just a century ago. Millions of trees have been planted since 1948.

It's not that it's magnificent or larger than life. It's just life.

Yet there is mystery here. There is something that draws all the world to turn their heads towards this little strip of land called Israel. It's been said that the center of the world is Israel. And indeed, in ancient times, it literally/geographically was the center of the world. And at its center was Jerusalem. At its center stood the Temple, and the center of the Temple was the Holy of Holies where God sat on the mercy seat of the Ark of the Covenant as Shekinah Glory. In the west they write from left to right. In the east they write from right to left. Something keeps pointing back to His land.

There is no way to describe it to you. There's no way to explain its diversity, its complexity and its paradoxical simplicity. It's the ancient world wrapped inside the modern world. Somehow, here, they have managed to coexist - accomplishing the impossible.

This is the place that it all took place.

How can I not stand here and be amazed?

Here and Back Again

2010-08-09T23:40:00.003-04:00

It's 11:11pm, my last night in Santo Domingo for a little while. My mom helped me pack my things and I'm bound for something incredible, extraordinary... unbelievable.

I'm on my way to Israel.

Can you imagine? I'm left speechless. I'm left in awe. I don't know how to feel, how to react. All I can do is think, ponder and wonder what it will be like. What will that feel like? What will this look like?

I owe much gratitude to the friends who have helped me prepare for this journey and provided for me where I needed it. Whether financially or prayerfully. I needed both, and still appreciate the latter.

What can I say?

I'm shocked that summer is already over. Where has the time gone? And yet I was so thankful to be home. So thankful for the rest. So grateful for the lessons learned. The support of my family and friends...

What shall I do?

My heart is ready to burst with expectation, my tears are ready to cascade over my cheeks in tiny bittersweet streams... who am I to deserve such grace and favor? The honor of a call aligned with passion. I've much work to do yet. But the perspective change is finding joy in the hard work of a job well done. The work itself, not just the outcome, must become the joy, the drive.

Am I actually going? Really...?
It still doesn't seem real yet.

This summer was great. Three missions teams, youth camp, dog-sitting, babysitting, dancing in the rain, visits from old friends and a surprise visit from a friend who traveled across the planet for just 2 weeks home. I've laughed, delighted in stargazing, chased a giant crab out of the laundry room, been interviewed for a t.v. special, lost to my littlest brother in Scrabble - twice, finally had a Dominican fiesta with my youth group, dyed my hair auburn as a last minute model stand-in... gone to the movies, read, journaled, and been enlightened by God in so many ways.

[It's all part of that secret journey.]
What's next?

בְּטַח אֶל־יְהוָה בְּכָל־לִבֶּךָ וְאֶל־בִּֽינָתְךָ אַל־תִּשָּׁעֵֽן׃
בְּכָל־דְּרָכֶיךָ דָעֵהוּ וְהוּא יְיַשֵּׁר אֹֽרְחֹתֶֽיךָ׃

-Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He shall direct your paths.

He will not miss a step. Love always trusts. I'll take hold of His hand and let Him lead step by step. I know the tune, I can follow the melody. I have the musicality. I love to dance. Now all I must do is draw close, hold fast to Him, and let Him lead.

καὶ νῦν ἰδού, ἐγὼ δεδεμένος τῷ πνεύματι πορεύομαι εἰς Ἰερουσαλήμ τὰ ἐν αὐτῇ συναντήσοντά μοι μὴ εἰδώς

-Acts 20:22

And now, compelled by the Spirit,
I am going to Jerusalem,
not knowing what will happen to me there.

Baruch atem ba'Shem Yeshua Ha'Mashiach!
This year in Jerusalem!!

Breakthrough

2010-07-04T00:11:00.002-04:00

You know, sometimes our victories do not seem very significant to onlookers. Do not let that deter your own joy. Nor let it stop you from rejoicing in the victories won by others, no matter how small.

Some victories are those things we have done for the very first time. After all, you only have a First once in your life.

Oh how I long to write, yet I cannot find the words to say. How I long to tell about what God is doing, yet I am reluctant to share the passings of my secret journey. I have learned, it seems, so much - yet to others it may appear to be very trivial. And you know, it might even seem obvious to some.

Peace is not the eradication of uncertainty. Faith and peace coexist. Faith insinuates that there is still something to be hoped for because it has yet to happen. Yet peace is a stillness of the soul in the midst of storming circumstances.

And oh! How I long to read. Yet, somehow the time escapes me. Time, time. Ever-present; ever-moving. We experience only a sliver of time while imagining the whole as past and future. We are promised nothing. God engulfs the whole of it and works outside of it and within it. He is not constrained, but is living and active.

Complexity. Paradox. Mystery.
Oh what a mighty God we serve.

It is like Michelangelo said, "I am still learning."
אני לומדת

And ever will I be.

Did you know a seed must be buried and die before new life can breakthrough the surface of the soil?

I planted those flowers with my Aunt Meg. I very much enjoyed getting my hands dirty with fertile earth. I do not need that plant, but it will not survive without water and sunshine and soil. If it is not taken care of it cannot grow. And the one thing it can accomplish is not much compared with what things much greater than it has done. Yet it serves best by being exactly what it was meant to be...and nothing more is expected of it. It must only be a flower. I did not mind reaching down and getting my hands dirty for that.

I'd never seen so many singing colors at once before...
Only in a rainbow. Only in a promise.

But first, there was a breakthrough from darkness into the light.

Summery Thoughts and Vanilla Green Tea

2010-05-18T10:54:00.002-04:00

Summer has begun and I am quite enjoying the leisure time. It started off in the home of some family friends. I read four books in three days. It was great. Nothing was required of me, yet I still managed to finished what needed to be done. Amazing, no?

Then I took a flight. Or more correctly, the plane was delayed for six hours...

and then I took a flight.

And during this flight I met a few people. (Of course, what else do you do with six hours when you are stuck in a terminal with dozens of people stuck with you?) And, obviously, one of the topics was the delay. We all shared our opinions, most were quite upset about the delay. I don't exactly remember where the conversation led, but I do know I shared a certain idea and wondered why it wasn't implemented. A new friend said, "Well, some people don't think as logically as you do."

I thought that was a funny comment.

I don't really think of myself as logical.

Math is logic, right? I'm not terrible at math, but the way it functions really disagrees with me. I thought the word "cold" might fit, but that seems unfair. I have a great respect for those who can master the discipline of math. For me, it's seems I have a touch of C.S. Lewis' problem. When it comes to math, I can just as well as anybody add, subtract and multiply. I can set up an equation for you and understand the concepts... but for some odd reason I don't get the right answer. But it's logical.

Sometimes when one of us kids would do something wrong or dangerous, etc., my dad sat us down and would ask why in the world we did what we did. It didn't make sense. It wasn't logical. Apparently by the age of seven, we develop the ability to "think logically". Whatever the heck that exactly means. Honestly, this stuff we call "knowledge" can be so terribly vague sometimes.

I wonder if there is a certain distinction between being logical and being sensible. I might be more sensible than logical. Correct me if I'm wrong, are not logical decisions more based on what will end up being most efficient or something of the sort? Because being efficient makes the most sense...

Okay, so who made up that rule?

I understand that we must be good stewards of what is given us. But since when does that mean efficiency. Or, to be more specific, efficiency in the sense it is thought of it today. "Make the most of your money" and all that. Now, I hope you're not thinking what I'm trying to say is "Blow all your money! Who cares??" ((People have a tendency to believe that if you don't think or agree with one idea, you must think or agree with the complete opposite. For example, if a person says they don't agree with such and such republican candidate's ideas about this and that issue, people automatically assume this person is a democrat.)) My point is: I do think we should be good stewards (because eventually we'll have to give an account), but perhaps the idea of efficiency has been skewed.

Is one efficient when they are able to gain more than they gave? Like, investing in stock and getting more money back. Or developing interest off your money. (How did this turn into a money issue anyway?) What I am really getting at is perhaps there are different ways to be efficient, if that's the key.

Or maybe it's more about the experience. Maybe it's more about the journey than the destination. Maybe the journey is the destination. . .

- The writer then drifted off into a pondering mood...

The 'Thin Places'

2010-04-24T18:48:00.012-04:00

What if the Truth is there...

Right there in front of our faces...

just waiting to be known?

-=-

Genesis 1:6-8

וַיֹּאמֶר אֱלֹהִים יְהִי רָקִיעַ בְּתֹוךְ הַמָּיִם וִיהִי מַבְדִּיל בֵּין מַיִם לָמָֽיִם׃

וַיַּעַשׂ אֱלֹהִים אֶת־הָרָקִיעַ וַיַּבְדֵּל בֵּין הַמַּיִם אֲשֶׁר מִתַּחַת לָרָקִיעַ וּבֵין הַמַּיִם אֲשֶׁר מֵעַל לָרָקִיעַ וַֽיְהִי־כֵֽן׃

וַיִּקְרָא אֱלֹהִים לָֽרָקִיעַ שָׁמָיִם וַֽיְהִי־עֶרֶב וַֽיְהִי־בֹקֶר יֹום שֵׁנִֽי׃ פ

"And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which [were] under the firmament from the waters which [were] above the firmament: and it was so. And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day."

-=-

מַיִם - (mayim) dual of an unused singual - water

שָׁמָיִם - (shamayim) dual of an unused singual - no definition; correponds to שָׁמָיִן (shamayin) meaning heaven; also, (shawmeh) from an unused root meaning to be lofty; the sky (as aloft). The dual (shamayim) perhaps alluding to the visible arch in with the clouds move, as well as to the higher either where the celestial bodies revolve: -air, heaven.

לָרָקִיעַ - (rawkeeah) from (raw-kah') a primitive root; to pound the earth (as a sign of passion); by analogy to expand (by hammering); by implication, to overlay (with thin sheets of metal):--beat, make broad, spread abroad (forth, over, out, into plates), stamp, stretch. - properly, an expanse, i.e. the firmament or (apparently) visible arch of the sky:--firmament.

firmament - the vault of heaven; sky. origin: 1250–1300; ME <>to strengthen, support ( see firm2 ) + -mentum -ment

_{(*definitions found from Strong's Exhaustive Concordance that I found today in an old Methodist Church thrift shop and dictionary.com)}

-=-

Okay, so you may be thinking "Uhm, that's all a bunch of gobbledygook to me... what does it mean?" First of all, I can't take credit for the spark of this inspiration. All credit goes to my Hebrew professor, Dr. Zieman, who mentioned the relation of water to heaven in my lesson last Thursday during our overview of the new vocabulary.

Okay, so the initial thoughts before the Genesis reference, what am I saying?

I'm saying that there's a pretty good chance that we are missing some key information about heaven. And I'm also saying that I don't understand it all myself yet. The words water and heaven are very similar. And it is an expanse derived from a word that means to pound as a sign of passion? "The Spirit hovered over the waters..." Does that mean that at one point in creation, the makings of heaven and earth were combined? And He divided "the waters". I always thought this was sky and sea. Atmosphere and ocean. But heaven is the expanse between these two? What does that mean? Where is it? Is it still connected?

I find all of this so fascinating. I don't want to over-read the text. I simply want to take a fresh look at something that may have been overlooked many a time by myself and perhaps many others. Or if not overlooked, then misunderstood.

Though I could be wrong.
It wouldn't be the first time.

But it's okay to be wrong. You learn from that... most of the time. And I think it's okay to wonder. It's okay to wonder if maybe there's more to it... or less to it. And it's good to wonder what implications there might be...

Hmm...

I have learned from a very good professor that sometimes there is more to be taught by not giving an answer, but leaving the thinking and wondering to the audience. For those who truly wish to learn, motivation will spark a desire and willingness to research the idea for deeper understanding. And time is not lost on those who do not care for it.

-=-

"Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries,
And daub their natural faces unaware..."

_{- Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "Aurora Leigh"}

Reflections of...

2010-03-03T22:33:00.009-04:00

...a soul learning to fly.

Just another peek into what goes on inside of me.

Because it's been awhile since I've sat down to write a blog on whatever may come to mind.

Something unedited and unapologetic.

Growing up is not easy, but you can't expect to be spoon fed for the rest of your life. No one wants to live that way. Or if they do, I don't see how they could ever be content with that.

I should probably, at this point, go ahead and warn you that this is not going to flow in a well-written, organized manner. If you don't see some sort of connection between one thought and the next, that's okay. It's probably because there isn't one. Or if there is, it was by distance relation to other ideas in between that went by too quickly to catch and put down in words. I wouldn't expect to get anything theologically profound in the next few sentences or paragraphs or phrases... whatever this may turn out to be. This is just a little therapy for me.

This is a Tree Swallow, from my understanding. Isn't it gorgeous? Look at that blue! That is the most marvelous blue... I saw about two dozen of them today while I was standing out on the dock before lunch. They were all sitting along the railing facing me, against the wind. I didn't want to disturb them. Well, that's alright because the wind started getting rough (nearly knocking me over) and so they took to flight. They dipped and swooped and spun, ascended and dove and glided... it was beautiful. Carefree. Skilled. I just loved watching them. They would get so close to the water they nearly touched it, yet they left enough room to flap their wings to rise higher again. Lovely. And there were so many! Not once did they collide, though they moved swiftly in what seemed zigzag, undetermined motions. Perhaps there's a dance to it...

Do you ever wonder what people think about? Are they thinking about anything at all? Their schedule? What someone just said to them? The next thing they are going to say? Agenda? To-do list? That girl or that guy that looked their way? When they might get a chance to eat next and wondering if their favorite soup will be in today? Their current circumstances? Problems? Potential solutions? Are we always thinking about something or is it possible to not be thinking anything at all? You can still be thinking when you're not really thinking about thinking, can't you? Or perhaps it's just the brain is constantly at work. Even when we're sleeping.

Or how about what kinds of things people say throughout the day? Like when some people walk by and you catch just a snippet of the conversation their having, do you ever wonder what started that conversation or where it will lead? Or when you consciously hear that constant drum of noise in the cafeteria and you remember that, hey, those are actually people talking about things. Usually all different things. You might have heard it said that women say speak several thousands or words a day while men speak almost less than half. Heard of a statistic like that? Actually, men and women speak about the same amount.

So out of all those thousands and thousands of words that you speak a day (which just goes to show you the flexibility and creativity that is found in language that you can come up with completely new sentences everyday for the rest of your life...), out of all those spoken words plus all of those words that you think in a day... about how much of that is about God?
Okay.

About how much of that is about you or your life or what you have to do? For that matter, how much do I think about me and my life and my future? Right. Something needs to be done about that.

You know, it's kind of nice that it's not all about me. Because if it's all about me, I don't know, that would almost be disappointing. Not because I'm a bad person or anything...

But I'm so small.

I would just have to wonder, isn't there more to all of this?
And if you really take a while to look around, to consider the stars and planets and galaxies that are quadrillions of times bigger than our sun... and you take a moment to get outside of your own head and remember that there are other people around you, not only those you can see right next to you, but those that are across the world that you have never met and probably never will meet... and you look at the paradox of the complexity and simplicity of life on this planet... somehow you get this shrinking feeling, this humbling knowledge that you just know it can't be all about you.

It's not.

We waste so much time. So much time.
If you get the suggested amount of sleep -- 8 hours -- every night... you sleep one third of you life away. And that's actually good for you. Really? A third of it! Gone!

Listen, I've been thinking.
You may feel like you don't have a lot of time on your hands, and you're probably right. But the good thing is, we can multitask. How about this idea: there are parts of my job that I feel like I could do blindfolded backwards while standing on my head. It's not that it's super easy, it's just tedious and repetitive. What if I used that time to pray unceasingly? I would get four hours or work and prayer in a day. That's one fourth of the 16 hours that I'm awake. I, personally, am going to try and use my "half hours" more purposefully as well. There are things I need to do and get done. Can't I do them in my "in-betweens"? If I'm going to sleep about a third of my life anyway, I might as well be good and tired when I do it, right?

Our lives are but a vapor.
A blink of an eye.
Quick.

But count your life by love lavished instead of seconds spent.
It's a lot more motivating.

Dear Blog,

2010-02-24T00:18:00.005-04:00

You have been sorely neglected.
(But so has my applied linguistics homework.)

However, you have not been forgotten.
I'll write again.
Soon.

With all sincerity of heart,
Brittany

Haiti Relief

2010-01-25T00:51:00.005-04:00

I'm sure everyone is aware by now how bad it is over in Haiti and how desperately they need all the help they can get. My parents are working with several different ministries right now and have a list of supplies they need as soon as possible.

Please take a look at their blog for more info: [link].

Keep Haiti in your prayers.

The Wonders of Pondering...

2010-01-09T23:30:00.004-04:00

Have you ever read a book with someone?
I remember one of my favorite childhood memories was when my dad would read to me just before bed. I know you see that in movies and stuff, but how many dads actually do that? And how many dads--if they do that--read a fantastic book like The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe?

I can remember the beginning of my reading career. It was in kindergarten. My dad had come in one day and we were supposed to all be reading to our parents or something. Anyway, I was sitting in his lap and I remember faking it. I didn't want to try so hard. I didn't want to look silly in front of someone so smart, someone I admired and loved. So I would look at the pictures, make up my own words (from what I remembered of the story) and turned the page "before" he would get a chance to look at the real words.

But I admired him with reason. He was smarter than I.
"Britt," he said while turning back to the previous page, "how about reading this word to me again." He pointed at one of the various words on the page. I stared at him blankly, wondering how he had figured out my clever trick. Thus it began. Slowly, even painfully at times. Now I can't get enough. And recently, it's been with one or a couple of others.

For example, a few months ago my friends and I decided to begin reading a book together called Before You Meet Your Prince Charming. Maybe it sounds cliche, but it's really very challenging. It's neat to see reactions, hear different perspectives, clarify and delve into... We're picking it apart piece by piece, weighing it against our different experiences and what we know as Truth. We keep a journal to track our progress along the way.

And today I was reading Crazy Love with my mom. Another very challenging book, but a very good read if you're willing to apply what you learn. We'll finish tomorrow before I leave for school again. We did mani-pedi's tonight. :)

I love my family very much. I thank God for what He has blessed me with, and I look forward to seeing them again this summer (which seems to be getting busier and busier). I don't want to wish any time away, or even to ask it to move swiftly. That would be foolish. I need this time to learn some things. I don't even ask that it would be easy. Only that God would be right by my side through it all, guiding me and guarding me.

This year I will learn.
This year I will train.

It's time to get ready.
Right now is preparation for a time soon to come.
Acercate, mi Dios.

Thank You, Lord...

2009-12-31T00:17:00.004-04:00

^{O my soul, rejoice!}

As I look back through my prayer journal for the year 2009 I can the see the mark of God's faithfulness over and over again. He has been with me every step of the way. He never left my side. And I am thankful... you can see it splashed most every page.

In this year 2009, what have I learned?
I will take an excerpt from one of my prayers this summer:

I will forgive; You forgave me.
I will let go; You're in control.
I will believe; You are trustworthy.
I will be patient; it is a virtue and pleasing to You.
I will have joy, for You are my salvation.
I will remain; You will never let me go.
I will persevere, for you have promised a crown of life.
I will trust; You are faithful.
I will sing; You sing over me.
I will be still; You are God.
I will pray, for You hear me.
I will glorify; You are King.
I will please; for it is my deepest desire.
I will walk confidently in my steps; You have told me so.
I will love; You have loved me first.

Any more to add?
I will dance before You just like King David, for he was a man after Your own heart. I will wait on You and not waste this time; what You offer is worth waiting for. I will rejoice always; You have brought me to life. I will live free, for who the Son sets free is free indeed. And above all: I will focus on my relationship with You, for that is all that matters. May this vapor of a life be a glorifying flash of light for the One who made me.

Thank You for an amazing year, Lord.
Do Your will in the next.

I love You, Abba.

One After Another...

2009-12-30T12:30:00.004-04:00

_{Two devotionals that spoke into my life.}
_{--By Darlene Sala--}

God and My To-Do List

What do you have written on your to-do list for today? Will you get it all done? Will God feel let down if you don't?
Many of us feel God is disappointed in us if we don't accomplish all we hope. Somehow we must feel that if we could just get it all done, we'd sense His smile of approval. We feel guilty when at the end of some days not even one item on the list is crossed off, because the day just didn't go like we planned. And we figure God must be pretty disappointed with us, too.
But Jesus did not come to earth to help us get more done. He came to make it possible through His life and death and resurrection for us to have a personal relationship with God. Not just "fire insurance" to keep us out of hell, but day-to-day walking and talking together.
I like the phrase "the fellowship of the Holy Spirit" used in 2 Corinthians 13:14. God the Holy Spirit lives within us, and that means we can have fellowship with Him through His Spirit. That means we can sense His presence right where we are in the middle of our circumstances.
It is not enough to organize your life so that you get the most important things done first--unless the very first thing on your list is your relationship with God. It's not enough to learn to win friends and influence people, as good as that is, unless the #1 Friend in your life is Jesus. It's not enough to learn to think positively unless your thoughts throughout the day center on God.
God's love is neither increased nor diminished by the success of failure of your to-do list. Instead He wants your first concern to be how you can fellowship with Him on a closer, warmer, and more personal level, no matter how efficient and organized--or inefficient and chaotic--your life may be.
When you have that sort of relationship, you can trust your to-do list to Him. He knows better than you what you really need to accomplish.

["It's all hinged on your relationship with God."]

-=-=-=-=-

Wait

The psalmist urges us:

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Over and over the Bible repeats these words: "Wait for the Lord." Wait for God to act. Wait for Him to do what no one else can do in your situation. This kind of waiting doesn't mean drumming your fingers on the table while you accuse God of being slow. Instead, it means you take courage--you take heart--because all the time you're waiting, in your heart-of-hearts you truly believe He will act in time.
"God is seldom early, but His is never late," says my husband. In fact, they'll probably chisel it on his tombstone someday because he not only says it, he lives it. Yes, the God who invented time will answer before it's too late.
Evangelist Dwight L. Moody had a brother who was an unbeliever. For forty years Moody prayed that his brother would turn to the Lord. But he never saw it happen, for Dwight L. Moody died still waiting for his brother to come to Christ. What Moody never learned on earth, however, was that after his death, his brother did come to a saving knowledge of Christ. God did answer Moody's prayers. The God who said, "Wait for the Lord," was faithful to answer.
The circumstances of your life may look like a tangled mess of threads instead of a beautiful tapestry. Put God in charge and wait for Him to act. Nothing is impossible with Him.
Hannah Whitall Smith wrote, "It is not hard...to trust the management of the universe, and all of the outward creation, to the Lord. Can your case then be so much more complex and difficult than these that you need be anxious or troubled about His management of you?"
Yes, God wants to be the manager of your life. Think about that next time you look up into the sky and see the heavenly bodies that God keeps going in their precise orbits. Think about it when you watch the Discovery Channel of TV and marvel at the intricacies of the cycles of life that God sustains on this earth.
If God can manage the universe with such skill and care, I suspect He can handle your life's pressures and challenges as well.

["The Lord knows when a sparrow falls from the sky. Are you not more valuable than these? Be anxious for nothing. Do not worry. Be not afraid..."]

--
^{Devotions from "Encouraging Words for Women" by Darlene Sala}

Flash from the Past

2009-12-11T01:01:00.001-04:00

Previously posted October 19, 2007.

It's pretty ordinary around here.

Except for one exciting thing that happened.
My parents work with a ministry called Agape Flights, you might already know that. Anyways, every Wednesday two pilots come in and stay at our house overnight after the flight. This week we had an interesting occurrence.
My dad and I drove to a place near by to get some pizza for dinner that night. We had a great conversation. We talked about a whole bunch of stuff. I can't even begin to tell you all of it. But I do remember one thing.
We talked about all of the paradoxes in our faith.
Freedom by surrender naming one.
It's so crazy.

Christianity is the only faith that I know of that you can't personally do anything to get into heaven/nirvana/peace or whatever you're looking for. It's only by the grace of God that we make it. And we don't even deserve it. Nor can we ever gain it. Only receive it.

Doesn't that point to something there?

Yeah, it's the hardest, but at the same time, a child can understand it. People try to make salvation so complicated, and it's so simple. Isn't that just like God? He never seems to do things the way we expect Him to. But He does them perfectly.

But anyways, that's not even the exciting thing that happened.
We got back home and sat around the table, eating pizza and breadsticks. It was nice. And then one of the pilots (the volunteer, not the captain) pops a question. He says he wants to "pick our brains" so to speak. Get our perspective on a few things.

So he asks, "Is God into micro-managing?"
I'm a little confused so I ask him what he means.
He asks, "Well, is God into the details, or did He kind of just create the earth and say 'Okay, here's the earth, go and do something good with it.' Did He just set it in motion and kind of back away to see what would happen?"

And that's where it started.

As we tried to satisfy him with an answer to this questions he asks other questions like, "What about the people who never hear the name of Jesus? What about them?"

And after talking with him (me, my dad, my mom, Jeff, and Charlie) we finally come to this conclusion. We finally have this epiphany of sorts.

"Ohhhh, he's not a Christian yet."

That turned the whole discussion in a new direction. We were wondering why talking about certain things didn't seem to make much sense to him. So we started trying to take out some of those "Christian" words that tend to confuse people and just be straight to the point.

We didn't try to convert him. Just answer his questions to the best of our ability. To let him know that he is a sinner, but Jesus still loves him.

It was a really great night. I listened mostly. Feeling like that kid Elihu who had to speak after all those older than him before he could speak to Job.

Sometimes I felt like crying for that guy. He kept saying,
"I feel like God is a great guy. A really kind being. With infinite intelligence. And I think He's smart enough to see a grey area. So that those who are basically good people, He'll go ahead and let into heaven."

That's just not how it works. And I don't think he wanted to admit that. He wanted us to tell him he's basically a good guy. He didn't have to worry about getting into heaven.

He kept forgetting that we are all sinners.
And we have fallen short of the glory of God.
And God still loves us.
But He's a just God as well.

It was just, heart wrenching. I prayed for him that night. I'm praying for him now. I hope he finds the truth before it's too late.

He's a good guy. He does good things and has good morals.
But being good isn't enough.
"Your good deeds are like dirty rags." - Isaiah 64:6
And dirty rags aren't going to cut it. God is perfect and holy. How can He expect any less?

That's why He sent Jesus.
Suggesting that there's a "grey scale" to sin is saying that Jesus' death didn't really matter. That it didn't need to happen.

And that is simply impossible.

Freshman year is almost half over already?

2009-12-07T11:43:00.003-04:00

Wow.. that flew by.
I have this week and finals left. Then I'm headed home for Christmas break!

I tried to find a picture that I've taken to sum up this semester. There are so many to choose from (because I just finished my 365 project like 2 days ago), but I finally decided on one...for several reasons. You'll find it at the bottom with a few mementos along the way.

It has definitely been an adventure so far. Thinking back to that first day... wow. That was the day our "group" came together. It was so much fun. Picture perfect.

And it was so weird how we all came together too. Our group doesn't function like a single entity. The only reason we can even categorize ourselves as a group is because we know each other a little more than anyone else knows us. But each person associates with several different "groups". We're all like intersect points.

There have been great events, like Worship on a Canvas, and 3 different Hunger and Thirst Chapels I attended. Not to mention Fire Fall, the Christmas Concert, the String Orchestra, the International Ice Cream Social, Fusion, Ignited, Humbug, and a dance performance along the way.

But I chose this last one to represent this semester.

This semester has been about three main things:
Friendship, Learning, and Growing.
Really, they all coincided. This semester has been beautiful. I have met some amazing people, had the best roommates ever, experienced some amazing things, and have learned so much.

One of the main things I've learned?
I have so far to go.

And another?
Not only is God with me every step of the way, but I've got great friends to back me up.

Oh, and I love my parents. :)

It's really very hard to sum up in a sentence or two just what has happened over this semester and how I've grown. Maybe this is just to be continued...

You Know it's Funny...

2009-11-08T16:34:00.002-04:00

At a glance you could look up and see a gray cloud. Then the melancholy foreboding would come over you as a response to the "sure sign" of rain.

But all it would take is to look around the building, the obstruction, the obstacle, to see what there is a brilliant sunset in motion on the other side, just beyond your vision. The sun brightly shines a radiant gold onto everything, enriching every color. The clouds turn bright pink near the sun as shafts of the tinted light burst through every opening, singing an eloquent melody of sweet hues across the sky. And it's then you realize...

the clouds were never gray.
They were purple.

The pink light sweeps across the entire sky, catching on the light, brush-stroked clouds. And I wonder how the sun can reach the sky behind me even when sinking so low.
Do the clouds change color in space? Or is it all part of our perception? Would that mean no two people can ever see the same sunset, even when standing next to one another?

What makes the sun "go down" is the fact that we are actually revolving and rotating. It's still there, we are just slowly turning away from it. Even on the other side of the world the sun rises on the east and sets in the west.

I wonder if there's any significance to that...

It's Not Just Crystallized Intelligence...

2009-09-29T22:09:00.007-04:00

...and it's not just Fluid, either.
--

Here I sit...
In my black t-shirt, hot pink dance capris, tights and socks, my converse on the floor beside me, and my hair up in a ponytail with that bothersome, single lock of hair that is constantly falling to the middle of my forehead.

Here I sit...
At my desk, in my dorm room. The laptop sitting on my stuffed and satisfied calender, full of happenings and events. The lamp is standing in the corner, shining it's watery light down on my fingertips as they stroke the keyboard swiftly. It balances on a small stack of books with a letter to a friend leaning against it.

Here I sit...
My psychology textbook by my right hand, along with my math workbook and binder. To my left is my agenda, full of plans, ideas, quotes, assignments and dates.

Here I am, a college student. A daughter. A friend. A conqueror. A survivor. A believer. A dancer. A dreamer. A warrior. A worker. A peacemaker. A poet. A linguist. A writer. A friend.
Alive.

And while I'm excited for what is to come, I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a little bit afraid of change. What I've known has been so good...How could I know what the future holds? Why would I ever want to leave where I was?

But it's already happening on it's own. And if I don't move forward, I'll never know what could have been. If I stay where I am, I'll never know how good it could get.

And I want adventure.

So I will trust. And I will rest assured that my God is with me wherever I go. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He knows the plans and as I acknowledge Him, He will direct my paths and make them straight. Or if there are any bumps along the way, I won't mind. I'll know I'm headed in the right direction.

It's like Pastor Don once said,
"If you go forward, you may lose a little.
If you stay where you are, you will lose a lot more.
If you go back, you'll lose everything."

I choose Jesus.
^{I choose Life.}

So in the words of a good friend of mine:
I travel on.

We Only See a Part....

2009-09-26T00:27:00.004-04:00

--

"C.S. Lewis writes: 'If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. . .If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage.'

Lewis relates this desire to one's purpose in life: 'I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same.'

In short: 'All your life an unattainable ecstasy has hovered just beyond the grasp of your consciousness. The day is coming when you will wake to find, beyond all hope, that you have attained it, or else, that it was within your reach and you have lost it forever.'"

--

^{Quoted from: The Question of God. Dr. Armand M. Nicholi, Jr. The Free Press 2002. Chapter 2: The Creator - Is there an Intelligence beyond the Universe? pg. 47}

There's a story...

2009-09-09T22:27:00.004-04:00

about a rabbi.
^{(Forgive me if I don't get it just right.)}

This rabbi was walking along the shores of Israel one evening, heading towards his home. And like any good rabbi, he was quoting Scripture to himself. Over and over, repeating a phrase. As he goes along, it begins to get darker, and he takes a wrong turn towards a Roman fort. The guard at the top of the wall calls out to the rabbi and startles the man who is just realizing he is not where he expected to be.

"Who are you?
What are you doing here?"

The rabbi stands in stunned silence for a moment, then responds, "How much do you get paid to ask me these questions?"
The soldier, taken a little bit off guard answers him.
"I'll pay you double!" the rabbi declared loudly, "But you must stand outside my house and ask me those two same questions every morning when I leave and every evening I return."

So I have a question for you:

Who are you?
What are you doing here?

In this world of constant motion, have you ever stopped to consider? You are here for a purpose. Do you know what it is? Are you fulfilling it? There's a lot of hype in this world. We get caught up in worries and menial tasks, ideologies and philosophies, complacency and disinterest... But can you answer these two simple questions?
Can I?
Or have we not even attempted to answer them. Are we afraid of the answer? Or the lack of one? I think that's what all these distractions are about. Perhaps all this incessant noise, all this preoccupied busy-ness, all of these time consuming schedules where you can scarcely get a breath of fresh air (much less enjoy one)... perhaps it is all a desperate attempt to avoid the silence. Perhaps it is a manic fervor to steer clear of those two taboo questions:

Who are you?
What are you doing here?

To answer them could turn your world upside-down.
Go ahead. Try it.

College?!

2009-08-30T15:42:00.005-04:00

Yeah... it's surprising to me too.
After just a week of school, so much has happened already. Orientation was exciting, if not slightly overwhelming. But the people are super nice and helpful. It's been a great week. I'm taking a class at 8am! Yup! But thank God I'm interested in it.... Introduction to Biblical Languages.
We study Hebrew for the first half of the semester! And the second half we do some Greek. I love it. I'm also taking an Earth Science and Lab, Intro to Psychology, a Math class, and an introductory Theology class.
As well as getting introduced to my teachers and classes, we have had some amazing chapels. Tommy Barnett and his son spoke and the group in Israel had a call into chapel on Friday.

The school is really good at making sure everyone is connected. We have resident hall meetings, first teams, and events to go to. One night they had an event called "The Underground" where all the freshman went to meet one another. There was a photobooth that me and Ashley took pictures in, speed conversation tables, and even a giant Twister board! Along with, of course, some awesome music. They also had hot chocolate, tea, and coffee available to the kids outside with tables and such to hang around and chat.
Anyway, I love my roommates, I'm meeting amazing people and making lifelong friendships. It's great so far... I guess we'll see how it is near finals!

Wish me luck (or some of God's favor, preferably).
I have a job interview on Monday!

Work.

2009-08-25T13:59:00.007-04:00

While doing a project this summer with my mom at my great aunt's house, I began to ponder...

There are two reasons why people should clean, garden, or mow the lawn (beside the fact that they are getting something done).

It provides physical stimulation.
It provides mental stimulation.

When you work you have time to think; which is seemingly an unpopular occurrence now-a-days.
Consider it.
Work involves many repetitive motions that do not require much concentration, but just habit. (Ex. sweeping, wiping windows, washing dishes, pulling weeds, watering flowers, etc.) Since it does not require much concentration, it gives you time to think about things.
Anything.
Plans for the weekend, your summer, a problem that may need solving (note: to think and consider the problem, not brood over it), or the mysteries of the universe. I'm serious!
It also provides quality time to come up with something that has potential to be a brilliant idea. How many scientists, while washing test tubes and putting away Benson burners, finally thought of a possible candidate for the missing piece to the experiment they were conducting. And, when added, it led to the proving of some revolutionary theory or new medicine? How do you supposed the vacuum was invented? Someone thought, after years and years of sweeping, "There must be a better, more efficient way to do this!" And they set out to find or invent it.

In this world where there is a constant green light, we need to put in some time to just think about things. Consider them. Look at the universe. Put away distractions, go outside, and do something that just so happens to be doubly productive.

Before:

And After:

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do,
do it all for the glory of God."
- 1 Corinthians 10:31

Quotes to Ponder...

2009-07-01T23:30:00.007-04:00

An ode to C.S. Lewis.
_{- Style of post inspire by Ashes.
Photos found here: [link] -}

Take a moment.
Take a breath.
And take this in.

-=-

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.
We are far too easily pleased.

There are two kinds of people:
those who say to God, "Thy will be done,"
and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."

This year, or this month, or, more likely, this very day, we have failed to practice ourselves the kind of behaviour we expect from other people.

At present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. We discern the freshness and purity of the morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendours we see. But all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling with the rumour that it will not always be so. Some day, God willing, we shall get in.

God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its first love.

This is the terrible fix we are in. If the universe is not governed by an absolute goodness, then all our efforts are in the long run hopeless. But if it is, then we are making ourselves enemies to that goodness every day, and are not in the least likely to do any better tomorrow, and so our case is hopeless again....God is the only comfort, He is also the supreme terror: the thing we most need and the thing we most want to hide from.

We are told that Christ was killed for us, that His death has washed out our sins, and that by dying He has disabled death itself. That is the formula. That is Christianity. That is what has to be believed. Any theories we build up as to how Christ's death did all this are, in my view, quite secondary: mere plans or diagrams to be left alone if they do not help us, and, if they do help us, not to be confused with the thing itself.

Now is our chance to choose the right side.
God is holding back to give us that chance.
It won't last forever. We must take it or leave it.

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen.
Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

The House is Sleeping...

2009-06-10T00:35:00.004-04:00

and I'm wide awake.
And I feel like writing. So here it goes...

It's interesting, you know? How we grow and change. It's interesting to watch friendships evolve, dissipate, fade, return, sway... It's interesting how so many personalities react and interact.
It's all so very interesting.

I have never had one of those lives... You know, the "grow-up-in-the-same-city-in-the-familiar-neighborhood-on-the-cozy-street-in-the-same-house-my-whole-life" lives. The longest I've ever been in one school is three years. I've moved over a dozen times. I'm not upset or disappointed about it. Actually, I rather liked it. It has prepared me. I've embraced the changes. I've adapted.
I had to.

And that has helped shape me into who I am today. And sometimes... I think that's why I don't relate to people on the same level. Or maybe they don't relate to me on the same level. Maybe that's why I don't really see where they are coming from on some things. Maybe I tend to come at friendships from a different angle. I don't know.

It's so interesting.
You can talk to three different people about the same problem and get totally different answers. In the end, you pretty much have to just make a decision yourself, hoping you're making the right one. That's in everything, I suppose. I mean, of course you can't depend on others to make your own decisions. Sometimes it just helps to know you're on the right track.

My little brother asked me the other day if I thought it would have been better if I was an only child. I told him that if I was an only child, I wouldn't be who I am today. And I like who I am. I like where this is going. I like trusting in God above myself. I like not having a distinct plan. I love my family, the friends I have, the opportunities I've been blessed with, the dreams and hopes... There are bad days and everything. Sure. But... I don't know. That's part of why I like it. All of it. This is what God has given me; He knows I can handle it. I just want to do the best I can.

There are always things to work on...
Sometimes I wonder if God just wants us to stop trying to fix ourselves and the world around us... stop for a moment and just be. Be with Him. Just be still and know.
Know that He is God.
Know that He has saved me.
Know that I am forgiven.
Know that I am clean.
Know that I am free.

And just be.
Be with Him.
Like I was meant to be.
Living with complete abandon.
Daring to love with all I am.
Without shame.
Without holding back.
Without worrying about how vulnerable that is.

And where is this all coming from?
"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks."

^{((My, my, Lord. You're just always full of surprises.))}

_{[This is me...]}

Isn't it Ironic?

2009-05-22T14:29:00.014-04:00

I'm finally going to update my blog,
and its when my parents are coming in.

So where have I disappeared to these last several weeks? It's a place my friends and I like to call B-town. I arrived April 10 and this is my last week and a half here.

Wow, where do I even begin? Over a year ago I was casually offered a chance to apply for a scholarship to attend a Christian school in Florida for my senior year of high school. This school has taken several teams for ministry in the D.R. Each time they were working with me and my family. So, I said I would pray about it. Although I decided not to attend the last full year (as I wanted to spend as much time in the Dominican as possible), I did say that if God would provide a way for me to attend the last quarter, I would go.
Well it just so worked out that not only could I attend the school for the last quarter auditing classes, but a home-base was provided as well. The Wilkinson family has so graciously accepted me into their home for these past five weeks. They had a newly refurbished guest bedroom made up for me and everything. (Thanks you guys!)
And since I've been here, I've been pretty busy.
Or really busy...
But it has been good.

I've attended prom, taken my three AP tests, visited the Ringling Museum, watched the sunset on the beach, stayed the weekend with the Childers, seen Danny and Denise again, been to six different youth groups a couple of times, taken my first ceramics class, had a 'senior trip' to Gainesville with Jenny, gone kayaking for the first time, sent in scholarships, attended the Spring Concert, seen a play of Narnia, gone to the Shake Pit for a rootbeer float, gazed at the stars out on the pier, went ice skating, gotten my hair cut, chai tea at dunkin donuts, sung on a praise team, ministered and been ministered to, discussed old favorite t.v. shows on a swing set with friends after the art show... and much more. It's been great hanging out with friends that I usually only see for a week or two out of the whole year. I wish I had more time with all of them.

So now graduation is coming up. I'm visiting my future college campus again with my parents to make sure everything is coming along as it should. Then the fam and I will travel up to visit family and churches that we haven't seen in over a year! Summer involves getting a license... and a job at some point. But for now, I'll just enjoy the time I have left and look forward to seeing some of them again at the end of the summer.
And right now? I have to go. My parents have landed and I've got to get ready for dinner tonight. I can't wait to see them again! These past few weeks have definitely been good preparation for the future... but I'm ready to be with my family again.

A huge thank you to all of you who have made me feel so welcome during my stay here in B-town.
I'm really glad I came.

It's Not That

2009-02-21T20:48:00.004-04:00

...It's not that I haven't been writing.

I have a daily prayer journal and two other journals besides to prove that.
And I suppose it's not that I've been too lazy to write a decent post, nor that I've been too busy. I just... haven't. Does that make sense? Actually, I haven't written a post like this in a long time. You might be able to count November's entry... but I think it's more along the lines of June.
Just writing to write. To spill those words out on the page. I kind of just want to let my thoughts come and go as they please with this one. And maybe I've been a little bit hesitant with this because it tends to be a bit revealing. That makes for good writing, I suppose.
Lately I've been doing so much work. And yet, so little. But soooo much. This I will not be able to explain correctly. Hmm, fighting procrastination, I would rather be talking with friends, doing photography, catching sunshine, dancing with the wind. Wouldn't everyone rather be doing that though? Living an adventure instead of reading about them. I will soon enough. I am living an adventure. This is part of it. One of those tedious parts. Like when you have to cross a river in the winter. The water is so cold when you touch it. So you jump from rock to rock. From wobbly, slippery rock to rock. Balancing, often falling, and most likely getting more wet than if you had just tread the water.

It's kind of hard to do this while watching a movie.
I could go for some real milk and oreos right now.

God is so good. (I told you, like thoughts flowing out of my head.) I was accepted into the college I applied to! A friend of mine also found out recently that she was accepted as well. We hope to be roommates. Which will be so fun.
Every time I think about that, about leaving, I get a knot in my stomach. It's exciting. It's new. It's part of this adventure. But the scenery has been so nice here. It's so familiar. Warm, friendly and inviting. I know it's not going to be easy to go from being with my family 24/7 to six weeks away from them... Here's the thing: This is my home now. Problem is, I don't really know where that is anymore. You know how they say home is where the heart is? Well my heart is torn in so many different directions. Huge chunks reaching across the ocean and seas. I have a picture in one of my many journals of it. It's like a puzzle piece heart. It has arrows coming out of it that point at different words: Friends, Family, Dreams, Hopes, This, That, and the Other...
But more of you, O Lord. More love. Don't stop it... make the vessel larger. May my heart grow to contain it and continue to reach out. Overflowing...

It all makes sense. Life makes wonderful sense. It's not about having all the answers, it's having faith and trusting in the One who does. "Love is wild for reasons" and we all want it so bad.

It's just something we can't quite explain.

New Year - New Project

2009-01-25T00:56:00.005-04:00

Well this year I decided to start a photography project. Technically, it started December 6, but... Anyways, it's called Project 365 (as you can see by that fancy text link below). And every day for the next year I'll be taking at least one photo.

And just as a preview, here are some examples of what I've posted so far.

-=-

Paper Angels

2008-12-14T22:08:00.003-04:00

A post, inspired by my friend Kristie.
-*-*-

"I used to be a Paper Angel.

When I was two and three, I lived in a homeless shelter and every Christmas, I was a Paper Angel to the world. You know? Those artificial trees placed in the middle of malls and department stores, flooded with names and ages of little children who won't get a Christmas without you. There are organizations that go around to help their kids they're taking care of and place a single Paper Angel on a tree limb somewhere in hopes that some kind person will walk by and feel moved enough to purchase that doll or race car for that one child who that may be their only gift.

I was a Paper Angel.
On my third Christmas, I got a baby doll. She had blonde hair and pigtail braids. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I hadn't even opened the package the whole way before I knew that it was Jesus who'd really brought me this gift. He was with me. With all of us kids without a home. But? He moved through you.

So, when you're out doing your Christmas shopping and your mumbling and grumbling about all the gifts you can't find or don't want to find for all those on your list...? When you brush past that tree...the one filled with innocent children's names and greatest hopes of a toy on Christmas morning...I pray you stop. I pray you look at those Angels and pick one.
Give that child a Christmas. I promise you.
They'll cry when they get it. I did.

And, those children? They don't tear open the paper with wild excitement and vigor. No, we all sat and opened slowly, looking around at each other asking with our eyes, "Is this really okay?", "Do I really deserve this?", "Is this okay to open?", "Are you sure this was meant for me?"

MAKE their Christmas.
One toy.
One gift.
That's all they're going to get anyway -- let it be from YOU.
....don't let Christmastime come to an end and there still be straggling Angels hung to the tree that no one answered to. Don't let them go empty on Christ's birthday. After all, it's Jesus who provided that shelter for them to live in anyway. They had nowhere else to live. At least you have a house, a warm place to cuddle up with family and open myriad gifts. We were lucky just to have a bed somewhere, in a place that wasn't even our home. Add them to your shopping list. You may be the only Christmas they see. Thank you to whomever bought me that baby doll that year. I didn't even like dolls, but I cherished that one for years. She was my angel.

And thank you, Jesus for leading them to not forget me. :')

Paper angels... you're in my thoughts and prayers. No matter where you are right now, remember God's right there. He's asking all of us to help take care of His paper angels everywhere."

_______
All credit to Kristie M.

Click here for the original: [link]

God Bless America

2008-11-05T07:42:00.003-04:00

My congratulations to the 44th President of the United States.
May he do his job well.

"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you."
-Romans 13:1-3

_{[Jeremiah 17:5-8]
[Proverbs 3:5-6]}

בטח אל-יהוה

Mi Encuentro

2008-11-01T18:10:00.005-04:00

It has been three weeks since my Encuentro con Jesus (Encounter with God) weekend, and I'm still feeling the effects.

I guess I should go ahead and explain what all the hype is about. Oh yes, going on the Encuentro is a very big deal. And rightly so. Seriously. I've always wondered how they somehow managed to do what they did. People (like my parents) who went on the Encuentro came back changed. It's only three days long! Technically two and a half days. How..??
In all honesty, I didn't think they could do it. And I was right. They can't. God can. And He most certainly did. So here's a short testimony of what went on in me. (Though I'm convinced it was better when I did it in Spanish. Something is just lost in translation...) I could go into detail about how they did this... but I'm not allowed. They explained their reasoning like this: It's like getting someone a present and telling them what it is. It's still good, but it won't mean as much when they open it themselves. So, without further ado...

God has blessed me with a loving family. Something we learned over the weekend was that your relationships with people can affect your relationship with God. (Ah, that explains that bit in Matthew 5:22-24, "First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.") But not just in a bad way, in a good way too. I realized that, because I have such a good model of what a father should be in my daddy here on earth, it has helped me have a good relationship with my Father in Heaven.
But still, I didn't know that there were so many things you could hide in your heart. Throughout the weekend there was talk of rejection, lack of forgiveness, impurity, generational curses... I hadn't realized where Satan had been chaining me, or where he was even just trying to. I hadn't realized that you can hold rejection against yourself. Even though I had the love of my family and my friends, I still held something against myself. I was never good enough. And worse, if I failed, I would kick myself when I was down. Ask some of my friends, I was hard on myself. I might readily forgive someone else before I would forgive myself. And in a way, that was not only holding myself in too low of a position, but also too high of one.
Take a look at Psalm 139:1-18. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God doesn't make mistakes, and He made you. It says in Isaiah that He measures the heavens with the breadth of His hand, He can hold all of the waters on earth in His hand. And yet, imagine! I've been learning about cells in my AP Biology class. Do you have any idea how complex a single eukaryotic cell is? And it takes millions of them just to form a square inch on the first layer of your skin! It says in Luke that the hairs on your head are numbered. The God of the Universe, who can "weigh the mountains on scales," knows the number of hairs on your head. He knows when a sparrow falls. You are worth more than many sparrows. He knows you. He created you. And He loves you with an undying love.
All of this was being pumped into us during that weekend. That and so much more. I cannot even begin to describe how amazing it was. (And those who wrote a letter, you made it that much more special for me.) I am so glad I had the chance to go. It was exactly what I needed. I will never forget it.

Soy libre.

Techinical Difficulties.

2008-10-05T18:39:00.006-04:00

Sorry about the lack of posting lately.
The computer on which I have saved the beginnings of my latest post... won't let me post it. So, I'm having a few issues there. And whenever I find the time to finish it on another computer, it's already in use by someone else. So... be patient. I do have something.

And I will post it soon.
Really.

Until then,
Shalom.

-An apologetic Brittany

Summer '08

2008-08-19T10:52:00.003-04:00

Summer's almost over, and school starts soon.
I don't think you can even begin to imagine how amazing and crazy my summer has been. Who could have know so much could happen in such a small amount of time?

My summer started right after school was over. I know that's pretty obvious, but I mean, my summer got kicking before the night was even out. As soon as I finished, I was packing my bags to go on a trip with my best friend Cheizi. I was at her house that night. We stayed up late watching movies and that morning we were off to the airport. Her family invited me on a trip to Orlando, Florida with them as our last big get-together before Cheizi left for college to live out her dream in Australia.

We have friends in Florida who have come down to the Dominican Republic twice now. We decided to get together and have a Prom for Cheizi. So we got all dolled up and had prom in Downtown Disney. Cheizi had pictures, a date, corsage and everything. We had a great time. I would go into detail, but, I have the rest of the summer to tell you about.

I was scheduled to fly back home alone (my first time) the same day that the Bethel Team would be flying in. Do you see what I mean about crazy amazing, now? Luckily, despite certain obstacles I had to overcome, I made it home alive. And I happily found Kirstin, Kaleigh, Travis, John, and my dad waiting for me as I came out of the terminal.

That week, the Bethel team worked with us on Restoration Ranch digging the septic tank and filling in the foundation of the second building. As well as some other chores the guys found for us. We carried wood and logs that would hold up the ceiling for pouring the roof in (which I witnessed a few weeks later). Some others bent and cut iron bars that would hold the ceiling. You can go here to check out more stuff on that.
Point is, I had a great week. I got to see old friends and make new ones. And even though it seemed like the team was never going to get home (that's a whole story in itself) it all worked out great. We had the time of our lives. I love those guys.

A few days later, Tom and Cindy Darnell came to stay at our house for a month. They are wonderful people of God. They helped in so many ways, I can't even name them all. But one huge thing they helped us with was moving. Yup, in the midst of summer chaos, we were moving too. So we had about a week of packing before another team was coming in. (Oh, and during that, my dad turned 40!) We would be housing a team from Texas who would be joining us for our annual campamento. Every year, our youth group has a camp. This year, we would have 15 Americans joining the fun group. Oh yeah, it was going to be epic.

This year the theme was "Arde in Alabanza y Adoracion", or "AAA" for short. To translate, it was about true praise and worship. Since worship time during camp was already slamming, I was extremely excited to see how it would turn out this year. And I would be a part of it!
Needless to say, the camp was amazing. I had a wonderful time. And then we did outreach with the Texas team for a few days after that. We went to an orphanage, Genesis, and Zona Colonial. We just has a terrific time and it was hard saying goodbye to those guys.
The Millers stayed a week longer, and we had the chance to hang out with them one more time before they left. By that time, another team had arrived. A small one from Florida. Bits and pieces of our beloved BCS team came to help us with moving. So Jesse and Jen tagged along for the "going away party".

Oh...did I mention I got my haircut? I think you can tell a pretty huge difference between the group prom picture and this one above. I decided to do Locks of Love. There's the link if you want to check out the program.
So, the last team of the summer was the smaller version of BCS who came and stayed in March. We had a great time painting, organizing, hanging out, trying out corn flavored ice cream (I kid you not.), and just drawing closer. They even got to see Restoration Ranch since they last saw it in March. And for Jen, it had been a year. She was amazed to see all the progress.

Well, it's been a crazy year. I wish I could tell you more, but those are stories that should be told face to face. This summer was great. I don't think I could have asked for a better one. I met and got to know some awesome people. Friends I'll keep for the rest of my life. So, as the summer comes to a close and the school year starts, I'd just like to thank God for all the opportunities and memories He has blessed me with. I couldn't ask for more.

I love you, Jesus.

Dirty Mop Water

2008-06-15T18:26:00.005-04:00

If you know me, you know that God has given me this funny ability to find a lesson in the most random things. For example: [link] Learning a lesson from a leaf bug. Well, I've got another one for you guys. And, you guessed it, it's about dirty mop water.
________
An excerpt from my journal...
o6.14.o8

This morning, I woke up early to sweep and mop my room so that I would have more time to do school work before the party with my youth group that night. So, I went downstairs to grap the supplies. A blue bristled broom and dustpan, along with a heavy red bucket of water, cleaner, and one of those old school "spaghetti hair" mops.
I swept and then squeezed the new water from the mop and began cleaning at the back of my room. But, something smelled funny. The mop! It was dry when I had gotten it from the downstairs closet, so I had assumed it was clean. So I went to rinse it in the water that I had in the bucket. I mean, it had cleaning stuff in it, right? That should take care of it. But that water was already contaminated. The new, fresh water that I had just gotten to mop with was already soiled before I even started.
I had to rinse the smelly mop in the tub. I used some soap to clean it off, and hopefully get rid of that smell (and I did...at least on the outside I did). Then I poured the nasty water out of the bucket, rinsed it, and refilled it. I put some cleaner in and started over.
But again, I smelled something weird. I got down on my knees and the newly mopped floor smelled like the mop had. Next step, check the mop. Yup, it had only been a superficial clean. It hadn't gotten down to the "root". Just a great way to start way too early in the morning. Hard labor and supplies that don't want to cooperate.
This silly mop was not only causing me trouble, but it was contamination everything around me! (Hopefully you know where I'm going with this.) While I'm writing this, I'm letting it soak in the water. When I had gotten frustrated, my heart looked for a lesson in all of it. Suddenly, it clicked. I could almost hear Him saying to me softly, "You keep going back to that dirty mop water like it's going to be clean. I am the pure river of Living Water..."

And in case you were lost on the dirty mop water thing, think about it like this. The mop? That's our flesh. The water is our spirit/soul. And the floor represents our surroundings. Sometimes we've only done a superficial "cleansing" of ourselves. We did it ourselves instead of letting God handle it. So there's no way we could get to the root. (If you've read "The Dawn Treader" by C.S. Lewis, it's kind of like that moment by the pool of water with Eustace and Aslan. He kept peeling off the layers, always getting a little closer, but he would always find another layer beneath it. Only Aslan could get down to his heart.) "Whatever the body does, effects the spirit." If we don't allow God to cleanse us to our hearts, our "mops" are going to contaminate our "waters". And eventually, our "floors". So what's the cure? Let go and let God. Only He has water fresh enough. Only He can cleanse deep enough.

-*-*-

And today? I heard it again.
Kind of connects, now that I think about it.
During praise and worship, I was feeling bad for always coming before the Lord feeling so dirty and unworthy. Just like I was kneeling down with all this filth and shame every Sunday. (Understand it's not the only time I spend with Him, but there's something about being in His House that helps you let things go and be refreshed..) Then I hear Him again, whilst singing. "Why do you think it is so bad to come before Me and be washed often? Don't you cleanse your body daily? Why does your soul deserve any less? Sometimes it's not something bad that you've done that has made you dirty or tired, but effects of the work you've done or where you have been."
He always knows just what to say.

So if your mop is clean, but you're cleaning up dirty floors, your going to get dirty, even if you're doing the right thing. Living in this world and in this flesh, it's inevitable. So go to that pure flow, and let Him cleanse you again.

A Short Review

2008-06-05T19:56:00.009-04:00

The Pulse Podcast - touching the heart beat of today's generation.

The Pulse is a new podcast that just started this year in South Carolina, run by two youth pastors (Javin Proctor and Brandon Goff) in the Camden-Lugoff area.
Here's a little bit of information from their myspace (www.myspace.com/thepulsepodcast):

"Monthly Javin Proctor and Brandon Goff get together to discuss current events, share how God can change your life, and laugh a lot! This is a podcast experience that can and will help change your life, your attitude and maybe even show people that God is a pretty fun God."

Next, they share a bit about themselves. But I think, at least knowing what I know from being in the youth group under Pastor Javin, and all the nice things I have heard about Brandon from him, that I will try to add on a little bit about them.

Pastor Javin - Lovingly nicknamed PJ. Pastor Javin has served as the youth pastor of High Intensity Student Ministries at Bethel Worship Center in Camden, SC. for 7 years now. His sense of humor (or is it sarcasm?) is positively hilarious. It is said that he has an "unhealthy appetite" for picking on Brandon. He is not just armed with a quick wit, but is overflowing with words of knowledge and advice. He's got a lot to share, and this guy knows what he's talking about.

Pastor Brandon - New to the youth pastor scene. At least...to old guys like PJ he is. He has been a youth pastor of Impact Student Ministries at Highway PH Church in Elgin, SC. for a year now. Apparently there is a debate going on whether or not Brandon looks like an ostrich. Or..there was a poll on it on their site. Pastor Brandon is a fun guy full of new ideas to get this generation on fire for God. Full of laughs and good advice, he does well putting up with Pastor Javin's teasing.

These guys are fantastic. They allow people to send in questions for discussion and bring in people for different perspectives. Not only do they hit on tough issues like abortion, cursing and other things teens deal with daily, but they are able to manage to throw in some smiles.

Click here to listen to their promo.
C'mon, you know you want to check them out.

World Dance Day

2008-04-29T11:22:00.004-04:00

^{Courtesy of cid-unesco.org.}

International Dance Day (World Dance Day) has been celebrated on April 29 through promotion by the International Dance Council (CID).

The holiday was introduced in 1982 by the International Dance Committee of the UNESCO International Theatre Institute.

Among the goals of the Dance Day are to increase the awareness of the importance of dance among the general public, as well as to persuade governments all over the world to provide a proper place for dance in all systems of education, from primary to higher.

According to the CID, this year's Dance Day is dedicated to the children.

The CID believes that caring for children is the cornerstone of human progress. Our primary goal is to overcome the obstacles that poverty, violence, disease and discrimination place in a child’s path. Thus we advance the cause of humanity.

Dance is a basic component of personal and societal development. We recommend quality basic education in dance for all children with an emphasis on gender equality and eliminating disparities of all kinds.

No child should be left without the opportunity to learn and to practice dance. Access to the art constitutes a right for every person and children in particular. This right should be protected, in order to help meet their basic needs and reach their full potential.

Have a wonderful day full of dance!
Dance for the children.

"Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow."
^{Jeremiah 31:13}

"David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the Lord with all his might..."
^{2 Samuel 6:13-15}

"They send forth their children as a flock; their little ones dance about. They sing to the music of tambourine and harp; they make merry to the sound of the flute."
^{Job 21:11-12}

"I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful."
^{Jeremiah 31:3-5}

"[There is] a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance."
^{Ecclesiastes 3:4}

2008 is the year of Jubilee!
Celebrate!

Desde Mi Interior

2008-04-19T11:47:00.005-04:00

"This is the heart of Christian living: God keeps on entering, using, redeeming, and sanctifying His creation from inside.

Christ not only does something for us; He means to do something to us, and within us; He means to reproduce Himself in everyone. Nor does He wait until we have reached some unimaginable perfection before He comes to make us new. He takes us as we are, just as He once took all mankind as it is.

And, as far as we will permit Him, He makes us over from within, redeems us, and begins the long process of making us His."

^{________
-Bible 11 [Authentic Christian Living 11.2] "Apply to Life", Jubilee Academy}

"I Need You" - The Swift

2008-04-16T16:31:00.005-04:00

My heart is restless in me

My wings are all worn out

I'm walking in the wilderness

And I cannot get out

I need You, Oh, I need You

Blessed Savior come

I need You, Oh, I need You

Fill the every longing in my soul

Oh, how I need You, Lord

I need Your perfect Word

With tearful eyes to see

The sin that I afford

I need to weep and pray

For all the thousand ways

That I have failed You just today

My bed is soaked with sadness

My sadness has no end

A downward spiral of despair

That I keep falling in

I need You, Oh, I need You

To You my soul shall fly

I need You, Oh, I need You

Yaweh, how I love You more than life

Oh, how I need You, Lord
I need Your perfect Word
With tearful eyes to see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

Your silence is like death to me

So won't You hear my desperate plea?

Today my soul is soaring

Way over mountains high

Though I can see the valleys

They're all just passing by

It's not that I am stronger

[Look at my feeble wings]

But I've been lifted higher

Yaweh's lifted me in His own strength

Oh, how I love You, Lord

I love Your perfect Word

With tearful eyes to see

The God who always will endure

Now I will celebrate

For all the thousand ways

That You have shown me grace

And made my heart in grace to stay

You've made my heart in grace to stay

Lord, make my heart in grace to stay

I need You, Oh, I need You...

________

_{If I could only sing one song for the rest of my life...}^{I need You, Lord, I need You...}

Every New Beginning

2008-04-15T17:05:00.001-04:00

^{marks a beginning's end.}

You know, it's been awhile since I've sat down and just written whatever came to me in a blog. And to be perfectly honest, all the things I had to say in their perfectly captured order have suddenly left my consciousness. And here I am, with just a few things swirling in my mind. Hoping I've not fallen into that place I never said I'd go back again.

"It's been one of those days
When everything just feels so far away
Hope don't be a stranger
Won't you help me make it through today?
Someone tell me how I
Stumble into doubting all the time
Some days I'm all together
And other days I stand here asking 'Why?'"*

Needless to say, I'm bummed the team has gone. However, I have been talking to them (oh, modern technology). So, it's not so bad as waiting a few weeks to get a letter. Though, strangely, I'm beginning to miss phone calls. (I'll happily be calling Kaleigh tonight.) I've been keeping up with some by email, messaging, IM... It's not the same, of course. But it is sufficient.

Complaining is the last thing I want to do. I have nothing to complain or be sad about. And I don't think that I am. So, I'm inclined to keep silent, since I have no logical way of describing it. And this whole thing is probably just a sorry attempt to postpone cleaning or homework. Which makes me sound like a flibbertigibbet. (Yes, that is a real word. And it cheered me by just typing it and imagining some of your reactions...or attempts at pronunciation.)

Every new beginning marks a beginning's end.
I thought, at first, that is what happened over the team. That I marked the beginning of a new level, a new step. And that I had left the last behind. Maybe I did, in some small ways. Then again, maybe I've started the circle all over again. The one I'd tried very hard to detach myself from for so long. And I'm wondering if I've been ringed back into it again--against my will. The way it was talked about over and over again...

Maybe I'm just over-thinking all of this. But this was something I hadn't realized until it was pointed out to me. And I'm still debating whether it is good or bad that it was pointed out. I think I could point to the end of that beginning and the beginning of what will hopefully end soon. I probably shouldn't have opened my big mouth. Maybe then it wouldn't have been egged on so much.

Then again, aren't some thing inevitable? Is this one of those things?
_{Luckily, this is written solely for my benefit. The fact that any readers of this post are most likely lost or bewildered at this point only means you are sane.}

I've no idea where my book is, and it's about to drive me crazy. My guess is that I'll find it (not surprisingly) after I clean my room. If I don't, then I'll get worried. It's one of those journey books. And I was at my

_{...[I was called away for a time lapse of about two hours]...}

You know, doing what you ought can lift your mood.
Playing praise and worship music while doing what you ought can lift your spirits considerably.

Still yet to find my book...s.
Life goes on.

_{-=end maddening Brittany mind process=-}

Oh for Pete's sake.
_{________}
^{*lyrics by MercyMe, "Never Alone"}

Beautiful Feet

2008-04-08T09:17:00.010-04:00

_{Isaiah 52:7 ~
"How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,
who say to Zion,
"Your God reigns!"

March 29 - April 5, 2008
Spring Break
The BCS Missions Team
Fastest week of my life}

You can hardly imagine my excitement that Saturday morning. Or my anticipation that afternoon as I practiced with the ARDE praise team before youth group. While we did a sound check, Cheizi held on to my phone in case my dad should call. She got a call, around 4 I would say, and it was Jenny! We screamed. We danced. They laughed.
They were really here!
That night we mixed the American team with the Dominican youth group at our church here. Singing praises, playing games and dancing. We had a great word from Mr. J about Thomas. And spend the night snacking on chips, drinking soda, and mingling. Then we came home to the wonderful smell of Ratatouille and pasta made by our dear friend Mrs. Betty Poppe. Then the team crashed. Some sleeping in the living room, some on the screened back porch, some in the blue and palm tree rooms, some upstairs. Good times.
_{[[I should note here that most of them, if they didn't sleep during their layover, had been up since 6 o'clock the morning before. They woke up for school, had a normal day, stayed up until 2 in the morning to meet at the school so they could get to the airport on time and so on.]]}
Sunday morning we went to Iglesia Cristiana Palabras de Vida, the Dominican church we attend here. The worship was great, it was just a wonderful experience. Mireya had a word from the Lord during worship, in which she said, "There is an oasis in the middle of your desert." Senor Hector, who had the pulpit in place of Pastor Raffy, spoke on Loneliness.
After church, we had lunch, then got on the bus to head to La Romana. We played the Cup Game. If you know what I'm talking about, then...well, you know. It was hilarious. Poor Dillon was so very frustrated. We made a small pit stop by the ocean (exactly where we stopped with Mr. J's church team last summer) and took a moment to look over the Caribbean, take a few pictures.

We went directly to the Haitian church we would attend that night, Sanidad de Jehovah. That night they had a special Praise and Worship service. Three amazing hours adoring our Father God. Dancing, singing, worshiping. That is one of the best services I have ever been to.
The next two days we spent in La Romana. The Seniors went on a small medical missions team for the day, while the rest of us went to a girls' orphanage. Immediately, this little girl in the picture on the left of my site clung to me, all day long. Yaneli, I believe that's how you spell it. She was a fiery little thing. Very demanding and excitable. And yet, there was a sweetness about her. Her only desire was to be loved. She was frustrated, and I think that's what made her lash out a bit. But I nicknamed her "Buena" because I knew that, really, she was a good girl. God taught me quite a few lessons with her. One being that, no matter how wrong we feel or how much we hurt (and lash out against Him) He will always hold on to us with loving arms. Patiently waiting for us to accept His love. It doesn't matter if He is hurt in the process, or if it looks like we aren't making any progress. He will love. I will love.
That night we went Altos de Chavon in Casa de Campo. A lovely place. Jenny, in the picture below, said that if she could marry a location, this would be in the top ten. I would suggest visiting there at least once in your life.

The next day the whole team went to the girls orphanage for a good amount of hours. We played baseball, played jump rope [[I was in a contest the day before with some girls. One girl jumped 102 in a row. I was supposed to break the record. My legs wouldn't move anymore after 90.]], danced in the rain, played bingo, pushed them on the swings... So many things. By now, all the girls were teasing each other with which boy they liked from the team. Giggling and teasing one another about telling and such. But, of course, no one dared.
Right at the end, we made bookmarks for the girls with their names on them. So they were quite content with their bookmarks and heart shaped balloons. Some still had bracelets on from when we visited last time. For those who didn't, we made new ones. We had a fantastic time, we found it hard to leave, and they found it hard to let go. There were many promises of visits in the summer. I have no doubt that will happen.

On Wednesday we went to Cercadillo to help paint a church for the kids. They decided they wanted to join in. They were so very eager to help that paint brushes, if you weren't looking, would be taken right out of the bucket or tray. They did work really hard. And helped. But what you see below is an amazing feat. Some on the team were instructed to keep the kids away from the shovels and picks, so they decided to start a game of pato, pato, gonzo (what we call duck, duck, goose). I don't know that I've ever seen a better circle with so many kids.
We also carried large wooden benches on our shoulders quite a long way from the school to the church. I did this. All I could think about was how much harder it had been for Jesus. With forty lashes on His back, until He hardly looked human, dragging a rugged cross on His bleeding shoulders uphill to Calvary.

He doesn't really ask much of us, does He?

The picture at the top is from the highest point on Restoration Ranch, where we did a prayer walk and some painting on Thursday after going to the market. That was an amazing day. It began to rain, and we just all went out in the fields and under the trees to pray for all those whose feet would set upon that land. What a privilege to be a part of something that will bring glory to God's name. That will be a place of refuge for me. And for many others.
If you would like to read more on Restoration Ranch and what we will do there: go here.
We also had dinner at the Cheizi's house. We had a great time swimming and playing pool. And may I just say, Cody and I dominated the table. Thank you very much.
The last day was fantastic. Friday was our free day. We went to Jarabacoa and hiked to a waterfall. A few others and I climbed this huge rock wall next to the waterfall. Estamos locos. Seriously. But the really awesome thing that happened that day... Three from our team got baptized! Including my little brother Isaiah.

So needless to say, saying goodbye at the airport on Saturday was not easy at all. But it was definitely the right thing. In more ways than one. Amazing things happened in the terminal during their layover in Puerto Rico. Ministering, singing, praying... just a wonderful way to end of their missions trip and keep them pumped about what they can do when they get back.
We can make a difference.

It's time to set the world on fire.
^{See you later, guys.}

In the [Mist] of This.

2008-03-25T11:38:00.003-04:00

How lovely and nimble are thy feet,
- O prince's daughter!
They flash and sparkle and can run more fleet
- Than running water.
On all the mountains there is no gazelle,
- No roe or hind,
Can overtake thee nor can leap as well~
- But lag behind.

Thy joints and thighs are like a supple band
- On which are met
Fair jewels which a cunning Master hand
- Hath fitly set.
In all the palace, search where'er you please,
- In every place.
There's none that walks with such queenly ease,
- Nor with such grace.

-(Cant. 7:1)

________
_{[Hannah Hurnard]}

Puppies!

2008-03-04T10:32:00.005-04:00

Right now, our dog Gracie is nursing three healthy, beautiful little yauzers. Or make it's snorkies. I guess we'll have to see if they favor their mother or father before we decide that.

You cannot imagine what I have learned, seen, and felt in the last twelve hours. It feels like it has been days. The panic and excitement both wonderfully and terrifyingly real, still.

I found her first. I had actually been going in my room only to get my camera.
_{There was this stubborn little leaf bug I was learning a lesson from in my parents' bathroom. You see, I wanted to help get it outside. I'm not much of a bug person, but I figure, well, this little guy isn't much of a people person. That we have in common. I'm not going to hurt it. So I'm assuming it wouldn't hurt me. We have the same Creator. He could work something out.
So for like 15 minutes or so, I had been offering my hand very slowly and offering a folded sheet of paper even more slowly, for it to step on so I could take it outside. But every time I got a little too close for comfort, it would fly away.
Didn't it understand I was only trying to help?
I would hold up a paper, my arm extended up, holding it as still as possible. The little bug took its very sweet time to crawl towards it. Antennas first. Then one leg....
Steps off. Cue big sigh from me.
Repeat. Only this time, three legs, an accidental nudge from my tired arm, and it flies up higher.
Great.
Repeat, other arm. He's coming, coming...coming...All his legs are on there! I slowly, deliberately try to lower the paper. But it freaks him out that he's no longer in control. He flies away.
"Well, If I could just be a little leaf bug and show him it's okay!"
Ohhhhhhh. That's what You did, isn't it God?
No matter how gentle and loving in Your offering you were, we didn't understand You and that scared us. So, you became a man. So that you could feel what we've felt, hurt, know, speak in a way that would not terrify our poor minds. You sent Jesus.
And you've only been trying to get us where we're supposed to be. Where it's better for us.
Just like I was trying to get the bug outside.}

So I went in the room and smelled before I saw.
"DADDY? Gracie's having her puppies!"
I don't think I reacted as well as I could have at first, but I came around after awhile. Thank God I didn't find what Dad found. She had already had the first three puppies in her new bed, but was now in her box working on a fourth one. How in the world she got from the bed to the box, though they were feet apart, during labor is beyond me. But I hadn't seen the first three. They were already dead. The vet told us today that when a small dog has so many puppies, the first few are cramped and are usually dead. If a boy, we want to name the forth one Chaim (hhighm, with a guttural "h" at the front) which is Hebrew for Life. The fifth one came out and didn't make it either. But at about 10:05ish, two more puppies came. So we have three.
My heart is already drawn to the little one who always cuddles right at Gracie's neck and seems to have a little bit harder time fighting his/her siblings for a place to suckle.
My mom said up until 3:17am with them. Then I took her place and counted my time by "tens". I wrote a fairly long journal entry and would look at the clock on my cellphone. "Okay," I'd say, "only 11 'tens' left."
I watched the sunrise.
Then my dad got up, took them to the vet, and I slept until 11.

Praise God for homeschooling. :)

Ultimate Freedom

2008-02-25T22:34:00.001-04:00

Jesus is the perfect example of true freedom.
From the very beginnings of His ministry as He was tempted in the desert, to His pleading in the Garden of Gethsemane, and finally to the Cross, Jesus demonstrated to all of mankind what true freedom really is. He faced the fact of freedom, its limitations, and freedom’s obligation. And in the process of understanding what freedom truly is, He lived in a place knowing whom He wanted to serve. His was the highest obligation. Jesus knew what needed to be done, and did it.

“To be free is to have the possibility of choice and the power to make the decision we want to make.”
The problem is knowing what you want. And there’s a process of using your freedom. From doing what we want, we realize that our choice will lead us to who we will become. So then it changes to who we want to be. From there it solidifies into knowing who we want to be. And finally, we see that our loyalties strengthen and or freedom finally revolves around whom we want to serve.

Jesus lived by this. He served His Father no matter what the costs. Even in the Garden of Gethsemane, where He pleaded for His life, Jesus ended His tearful prayer with “Not my will, but Your will be done!” And the paradox of this is, that Jesus wasn’t giving away His freedom when He said these words. On the contrary, He was realizing the ultimate freedom we can live. God came within our very nature and redeemed us from the inside.
Salvation must lie in freedom. Freedom is inescapable and necessary. The knowledge of good and evil made us unable to automatically choose the right and true. Since we lost that innocence because of freedom, we can only be reached through freedom.

When Jesus was standing before Pilate and was asked why He wouldn’t respond (Pilate reminded Jesus that he had the power to kill or free Him), Jesus finally responded, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above." Jesus could have called on legions of angels to come down and save Him from certain death at any moment. But with every step He made a choice. He went in His freedom to die for us. No one forced Him to, He chose to. The purity of His freedom showed us a way to that same freedom. The Crucifixion was the climax of the entirety of His freedom. Literally, Christ was an example of freedom with His very life, for our ultimate freedom.

_{Now what are you going to do with that freedom?}

ISRAELIS IN A MISSILE ZONE

2008-02-19T14:58:00.005-04:00

_{The following is an excerpt from the Joshua Fund blogsite.}
____________________

"You don’t hear much about it on the news. The media doesn’t much care. And the world has all but forgotten. But here’s the brutal truth: More than 4,200 rockets, missiles and mortars have been fired at Israeli towns along the southern border with Gaza by Palestinian terrorists since the Israeli Defense Forces withdrew from the Gaza Strip in the summer of 2005 in an effort to give “land for peace.” Radical Islamic jihadists launch an average of five to seven attacks a day. As I am writing this, 22 rockets were launched at innocent Israelis in just one day.

Hundreds of homes, schools and shops are being damaged in Israeli towns like Sderot and Ashkelon. Scores of Israelis are being injured. Some Israelis have been killed. The Palestinian rockets have no guidance systems. No one knows where they will land or who will be hit. It’s a 24-hour a day life of 'Russian Roulette.' As a result, Israeli mothers live in constant fear for their children. Fathers have trouble sleeping at night. Seniors are having heart attacks. Older children – even teenagers – are having terrible nightmares and are wetting their beds, night after night. And there seems to be no end in sight. The Palestinian government has not taken decisive political or military action to stop these terrorist attacks. Nor has the government of Israel. Indeed, the current Prime Minister is talking about dividing Jerusalem and giving away all of the West Bank. The U.S. has been virtually silent on the topic. The Arab world, the European Union, and the United Nations condemns Israel when it uses occasional air strikes to take out terrorist leaders.

At The Joshua Fund, we are determined to bless the people of southern Israel as much as possible. We must not forget them. We must not let them feel abandoned and alone. Rather, we must do everything we possibly can to mobilize evangelical Christians around the world to LEARN about what’s happening; PRAY knowledgably and consistently for peace; GIVE to the humanitarian relief work we are doing there; and even GO on one of our volunteer projects."
____________________

_{For more information, please go to the official Joshua Fund blog.

www.joshuafund.blogspot.com}

The Greatest Quest

2008-02-14T22:29:00.005-04:00

"Love never fails."
-1 Corinthians 13:8

What is the number one goal in your life? What is your dream?

Maybe you want to build a successful business. Or be a teacher. Or join the Armed Forces. Or maybe you're called into the ministry. Those are great goals, but something even more important should be "your aim, your great quest" [1 Corinthians 14:1, AMP].

What is it? Living a life led by and filled with God's love.

Human love is changeable and unpredictable. On the other hand, God's love, which is the kind of love you and I should walk in, is entirely different. It doesn't act one way today and another way tomorrow. It doesn't let circumstances or emotions alter it. It is sure and consistent.

[First Corinthians 13:4-8] tells us precisely what its characteristics are. This passage of Scripture sets a very high standard for love--so high that you might be tempted to think it's beyond your reach, but it's not. In fact, if you're a Christian, it's natural for you. It's in your heart. You may not be letting it out, but it's there. When you made Jesus your Lord, God put His love inside you [Romans 5:5].

Without time with God and His Word, however, you'll naturally pull towards selfishness. We all have a natural mind that has been trained to believe things like, "You have to look out for yourself...and stick up for your own rights." Plus, Satan continually tries to draw us out of love, because he wants to steal the answers to our prayers.

The bottom line: Love is the foundation for your new life. When you walk in love, you put yourself in a place where God Himself can protect you--and then nothing can stand against you [Romans 8:31-34]. Love is the key to God's wisdom, power, and protection. No wonder the Word says, "Make it your aim, your great quest!"

Backup: [1 Corinthians 13:4-8]
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!"

"I eagerly desire and follow the way of love. I make it my aim and my great quest in life."

-*-*-

_{All the above is from the February 14 devotional from "Load Up" by Gloria Copeland. [emphasis added]}

Not So Negative

2008-02-07T13:09:00.001-04:00

When we hear the word "discipline" most of us cringe.
Ever thought of it as an opportunity?

Spiritual disciplines are the behaviors that facilitate spiritual growth.

Henri J. M. Nouwen said, "We should know that a spiritual life without discipline is impossible. Discipline is the other side of discipleship. The practice of spiritual disciple makes us more sensitive to the small, gentle voice of God."

So, without spiritual discipline, we have no spiritual life. And without a spiritual life it makes it really hard to pray to God effectively. And without prayer, we are really lost. That makes spiritual discipline essential to our Christian walk if we ever want to get anywhere.

Spiritual disciplines help us to get to know God. It is a building block for a friendship with God. When we choose to spend time with God instead of cleaning, reading, writing, watching a movie, video games, internet or anything else that can distract us, we are practicing spiritual discipline.
And a step of from that is disciplining ourselves to be silent. To "be still and know that [He is] God."

It has been said, "A love which has no silence, has no depth to it."

Consider the way lovers gaze at each other at a wedding ceremony just before they say their vows. Or how a mother watches her children loving from the bench at the park as they play on the slide and swings. That's love beyond words.

Selfish prayer, unorganized priorities, and being distracted can threaten spiritual growth. When our schedules are way to busy that we begin ignoring God, He's not going to force time on us. He won't change the world to get our priorities in the right order. Instead He simply asks us to shift the point of gravity, to replace our center of attention, to change our priorities. Jesus wants us to move from the 'many things' to the 'One necessary thing'. He wants us to live in the world, but be firmly rooted at the center in Him.

Spiritual growth and discipline involves imitating God, developing a character like His. "If we have faith in Christ, we must believe that He knows how to live and imitate that." -Dallas Willard.

Don't be threatened by busy schedules, don't like mixed priorities keep you from Him. Spiritual growth is essential to who we are as Christians, and to what we represent. Prayer and silence are important to that growth. And a relationship with God is the basis of it all.

_{It's in your heart. Not your head.}

Adoration

2008-01-31T20:13:00.001-04:00

I found this in the "Draft" section of my email with this title in the subject.
It's from my Bible class last year.
_{[Jubilee Academy: Bible - Old Testament]}

Maybe someone needs to see it.

-*-*-

With God we may have these varying levels of knowing.

There are many who have but a nodding acquaintance with Him, lasting only as long as the nod. There are many more — far more than we readily admit — whose only knowledge of God is about Him, second-hand; and who never arrive at the first-hand knowledge of Him that comes from first-hand experience with Him.

We all start our religious life by leaning upon the experience of others. The child's first knowledge of God is not direct, but rooted in the belief and practice of parent and teacher. It is possible to go through adult life without ever passing beyond this second-hand knowledge of God. There are also very many whose only religious knowledge is that of the externals of religion. Their interest and main concern is with the minutiae and mechanics of church life. This constitutes a deadly temptation for many of the clergy. Here the externals of religion, its churchiness, or devotion to legalism and ritual become the substitute for knowing God.

But it is also possible to have with God that deep and rich relationship, which is His friendship and love, and which the New Testament calls eternal life. It is only this kind of knowledge that can ever satisfy the heart of man and set him at rest and at peace. The life of praying seeks to prepare us for that kind of knowledge of God.

Ultimately we can draw near to God in but one of two moods: the mood of using God selfishly, or the mood of disinterested love — the mood of adoration.

In the life of Christian praying we heed and seek to obey these mysterious workings of God. We learn slowly that much depends upon our immediate and willing obedience to them. When we do not live by the light of prayer, we often seek to ignore them, to forget them, to resist them, to disobey them. We have thus a very decisive part to play in this work of God for, in, and upon us. We shall find that the universe of God will not budge before us, when we set our wills stubbornly against all the mighty powers of God's ordered world.

In the life of Christian praying we joyfully and peacefully give God the time and attention and consent which He asks from us. Thus does God works His redemptive action in us with every resistance broken down. But in this work we shall have to fight against long-established tendencies to forget God, to ignore Him, and to live for ourselves as if He did not exist. We shall have to fight against deep and hidden fears of the inevitable, worldly consequences of belonging wholly and first to God.

God has created us for Himself, for His glory, and for fellowship with Himself; not that He is seeking something for Himself, but that He is seeking us for our sakes.

To have friendship with God involves necessarily the transformation of our old self-centered being by God's own action in and upon us into the likeness of God.

To say that we must become like God in no way implies that we can escape or ignore the basic distinction between man and God. Even in heaven man will ever remain a being, utterly dependent for both the fact and the kind of his existence upon the Creator God.
We know that we have become so deeply attached to things and to persons and to ourselves that we have no longer power to detach ourselves. We gradually learn that not we ourselves, but God, is the main factor and agent in the long, progressive work of detachment.

"He that loses his life shall find it; he that keeps his life shall lose it."

But once we have heard and accepted this Christian purpose of life
— that we are made for God, for His glory, and for intimate friendship with Him — then the whole of life here on earth takes on a new and satisfying significance.

But however great may be our confusion or bewilderment concerning the purpose of our lives, God knows completely the purpose of our existence. He has brought us into existence for His purpose, and He sustains us in order that that purpose may be fulfilled. We know ourselves only in a very fragmentary and partial way. We know ourselves as spirit far less than we know ourselves as body. But God acts upon us with complete and perfect knowledge of every factor, whether we think it relevant or irrelevant to Him. He knows what we require: often we do not. His action is limited and conditioned only by His self-subjection to the ways of divine love.

God is a jealous God.
But we are not to interpret the divine jealousy in terms of our human jealousy, which is always self-seeking. God's jealousy is never for His sake, but for ours. He knows how much we are missing when we seek to live apart from Him. He is jealous because He wills to give us the high gifts of holy friendship, and He cannot tolerate our lives becoming so attached to earthly realities, good as they may be, that we have no time or concern for spiritual fellowship with Him. He knows that we can never be truly joyful until we place Him first in our lives, and thus enter into that holy friendship with Him which is the pearl of great price. Therefore God must be jealous — yes, even angry and wrathful — at the idols which absorb us in earthly life.

Trials

2008-01-29T09:15:00.001-04:00

why is it we are so afraid of trials, suffering, pain, or simply, just being uncomfortable?

[Romans 5:3-4]
"3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. "

In Acts 16:16-40 we see that sometimes doing the right thing can get you into trouble.
But God can do something in it. He can use bad situations for His glory.

In the middle of being unjustly punished, Paul and Silas sang praises to God. And so, they were able to witness to the jailer and his whole family.

God used the disgrace and injustice against Paul and Silas to touch the life of the jailer.

In Genesis 37-46 we see the story of Joseph, son of Jacob.
The same Joseph with the coat of many colors, and dreams.
The same Joseph whose jealous brothers sold him into slavery for 20 silver pieces.
Joseph who made Potiphar's house blessed.
And then was falsely accused of rape by Potiphar's wife.
Then, in prison, interpreted the dreams of the baker and the wine bearer.
The Joseph who was not remembered for two years, though through it all the Lord was with him.
The same Joseph who was finally summoned to interpret the Pharoah's dream.
And became second in command to the whole nation of Egypt.

Yes, Joseph was unjustly persecuted and punished. But through it all, God had a plan. He was preparing Joseph, so that in His timing the nations of Egypt and Israel would be saved.

This same Joseph had learned to forgive...and love.

God did not forget Joseph.
Nor the promises He made to him.

And He has not forgotten you.

God did not promise us a safe journey, but a safe landing.
Do not pray to be brought out of your trials, but for Him to bring you through them.

If you got in it, God can bring you out.
Just pray you pull the lesson out with you.

_{Do not give up hope.
He is nearer than you dare think.}

Home

2008-01-17T23:07:00.000-04:00

We are finally back home.
It's quite bittersweet.

I'm so glad to be back with our church and our mission. I'm so glad to be back to my house and my bed. My things. I'm glad to see friends I haven't been with for awhile now. I'm glad to be back to the smells, humidity, warmth...just everything.
I love everything about this country.
All the stuff that drives me crazy, I love about it too.

But at the same time I have left family and friends behind. Our home church is back "home" too. It's almost like my heart is torn in two. As if it would be better to hover over the seas an equal distance between my two homes than trying to pick one over the other.
I love America too.

I love knowing that I'm supposed to be here for a time.
But I love going to an English church service and hanging out with old friends.
It's so torn.
So beautifully tragic.
So heart-breakingly amazing.

It's a paradox.

And I thank God for it.

I thank Him for all the adventures we had the past two months. All of the "Diosidencias", divine appointments. I thank Him for keeping us safe. For watching out for us and blessing us with a great time.

I cannot wait to see what He's going to do with this new year.
He has great stuff in store. I'm sure of it.

I'm just waiting on Him to find out.

Have You Ever...

2008-01-01T16:50:00.000-04:00

started to cry because something was so beautiful?

sung something you just made up on the spot, and when you try to go back and remember the words you realize that song was made for those moments only?

sat still in silence?

heard the silence?

been scared by it? Not because of something ominous. But because you felt so vulnerable?

wondered why?

put pen to paper before you thought about what you were going to write...and something beautiful came out of it?

dared to stare Holiness in the face?

slept peacefully and deeply without a care in the world?

tried to snap a shutter on a lovely scene, then put the camera aside realizing some views are made for the moment?

seen a stranger and felt compassion for them? Not pity. Compassion?

wanted to hug someone you barely know, but stopped because you were afraid of so many things?

wished you could just get that homeless guy on the the street all he would ever need?

stared out the window in awe of the things around you?

thought you could change the world?

lived in the moment?

Have you ever...?

Happy New Year

2008
A year of new beginnings.

_{Don't stop dreaming.}

On the tenth day of Christmas...

2007-12-15T10:58:00.001-04:00

Only ten days to Christmas!
_{(Just a side note: the "Twelve Days of Christmas" are actually after Christmas day! And continue to "Three Kings Day" in January!)}

What's the one thing you're waiting for this Christmas?
Is it an object, food, or family and friends?

Along with the wonderful fact that I am finally going to be with family this Christmas, I'm also hoping for a little snow. :)

But I have something interesting to mention here.

I was listening to a podcast last week, and it was talking about the Magi that went to visit Jesus as a baby.
Okay so, trivia question.
Let's see how much you really know about Christmas.

How many wise men traveled from the Orient to visit Jesus?
(a) two
(b) a few
(c) three
(d) not specified

Now, you may have guessed (c).
But actually it's (d)!

Here it is from the gospel of Matthew [2].

"After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, "Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him."
When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people's chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Christ was to be born. "In Bethlehem in Judea," they replied, "for this is what the prophet has written:" 'But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for out of you will come a ruler who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.'"

Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, "Go and make a careful search for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him."
After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.

On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route."

It did say they came from the east. But it didn't say there were three.
We probably assume this from the three gifts [gold, incense, and myrrh] that they gave.

But to me, the most interesting part of all of this is that they knew the King of the Jews was to be born in Palestine, all by a star!
The preacher went on to say that there is a difference between astrology and astronomy, which people get mixed up now-a-days.

Astronomy is defined as "the science that deals with the material universe beyond the earth's atmosphere. "

Astrology is defined as "the study that assumes and attempts to interpret the influence of the heavenly bodies on human affairs."
[And check this out: "Obsolete. the science of astronomy."]

These Magi were smart guys.
The star they saw were three heavenly bodies aligned.
Jupiter, Mars, and the star of Bethelem [or Palestine] were the one "star" they saw in the sky.

Astronomers have traced this back (an event that only happens every several thousand years) to 7 B.C. in winter!

But that's not even the amazing part.
Jupiter represented to those in the Orient the "Top Dog" so to speak. The One, True God.
Mars was Jupiters son, the warrior to save the world.
And the star of Palestine, of course, represented the Middle East, Palestine itself.

So what did these guys interpret the event as?

Jupiter (the One, True God) was sending Mars (His Son) to Palestine to save the world!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-22T11:11:00.000-04:00

Smile.
Look at all the blessings around you.
Things you never thought of before.

Your friends and family.
You're home.
The meals you've been blessed with.
Your clothes.
Your shoes.
The computer in front of you.
The air you breathe.
The freedom you have.

The freedom you have to hope....

to believe.

Life is so amazing that way.
We are blessed with so many things, and yet we still look around at our inconveniences more than our blessings. I'm not saying we don't have inconveniences, that would be living in denial. But we still have blessings. We still have things to be thankful for.
Some more than others, but not in the way you may think.
Not money or fame.

The blessing of life.
That one word of encouragement that helped you to hold on to your dream.
That one hug that got you through some hard times.

That small gesture of kindness that taught you to love.

Your hopes and dreams are blessings to get you through your trials.

Don't give up.

It's easier to look at what you want or need instead of at what you have.
What else has the world taught us?
But this Thanksgiving, don't forget to look around and thank God for everything around you.
Thank Him even for your trials, the things you've been through and He's gone with you. Because those things are making you who you are. And God sees that. He sees beyond it to your heart.

He sees the real you.

And He loves you.

So, Happy Thanksgiving.

I pray it's a wonderful one.

Be blessed and give thanks.

And she's just wondering...

2007-11-11T23:58:00.000-04:00

Because there's so much I don't understand. And so much I'll probably never understand. Things my finite mind was not meant to comprehend. But I still wonder...I still think...

"The things that cannot be put into words are the most important in life..."

Think about it...my friend Kristie said that to me. And when you think about it, it's true.
God.
Love.
Freedom.
Faith.
Can you really express those things in words? It's something you experience.

A wise praise team leader once said:

"To understand love, you have to experience love..."

I'm sure we would all agree with that. No one really understands love until they experience it. They may understand the concept of love. But love itself? It's something beyond just feeling or actions. It's beyond reason. Something you cannot explain.

The same man finished that quote with:

"...to understand God, you have to experience God."
Because God is love.

Experience God? What in the world is that?
How can I put this into other words?
It's like, feeling His presence. Knowing His loving arms are surrounding you, protecting you.
Knowing that you are in a relationship, not a religion.
Something that changes your heart, not just your mind.
"Trastornando mi mundo" is experiencing God.

"Jesus wrecked my life..."
And it's never been better.

God is love.
And love is real.

Warning

2007-11-09T12:32:00.000-04:00

This blog is likely to be bold, outright, and direct.
Perhaps you would call it fanatical at some points.

We would like to warn the viewers that discretion is advised.
For those who are faint of heart, please go to another website.
For those prone to guilty conscience, this will not help.
For those without an open mind, a softer reading would probably be preferred.

Basically, this stuff is for real.
No sugar-coated, day-to-day, superficial stuff.
This is life.
Out loud.

And it's a life dedicated to the God of the Universe.
Maybe you know Him by Yahweh, Adonai, El Shaddai, Shekinah Glory...
Or maybe just Lord.

This is about the things He has done in a teenage girl's life.
And in the lives of those around her.
They may not seem to astounding to you at times, but they have Eternal Significance.

She's got a purpose, and she's living it out.

So here's just a fair warning:
She's on fire for Him...

and it's contagious.